tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6834596026525717264.post3535522727715669991..comments2023-12-14T13:49:25.768-08:00Comments on This Gay Relationship: ForgottenRick Modienhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02157314737543591048noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6834596026525717264.post-38200093730784728752014-09-10T21:27:05.508-07:002014-09-10T21:27:05.508-07:00Simon, I wrote "Forgotten" over three ye...Simon, I wrote "Forgotten" over three years ago, so I had to read it again (although, to be sure, I still remember this incident vividly and always will).<br /><br />Thank you for sharing what happened at the concert between you and your partner. I don't know what I would have done if I'd been in your position, but, judging from your comments so far, you and I are very much alike, and I probably would have done the very same things you did. At any rate, I know I would have been furious with Chris, for having so little consideration for other concertgoers. My feeling embarrassed would only have been a side issue (had he kept standing when I asked him to sit down, I would have pretended, successfully or not, that I didn't know him). <br /><br />I appreciate what you said about your partner's willingness to stand up for what he believes in, but I also believe in picking one's battles. I wasn't at that concert, and I'm not you (or your partner, for that matter), but I think there's a time to stand up for what you believe in, and a time not to. I'm not sure that concert, in the way it happened, was the right time, but you know better than me. <br /><br />Have you had similar incidents to this one that might lead you to believe your partner is perhaps a little unbending on matters where he should be more flexible? Just curious.<br /><br />Thanks for your comment.Rick Modienhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02157314737543591048noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6834596026525717264.post-36640792216534593772014-09-03T21:57:20.053-07:002014-09-03T21:57:20.053-07:00My partner has a time management issue at times. ...My partner has a time management issue at times. It took me a few months of dating to learn to not take it personally. But I still have moments where I wfeel marginalized. But I have to remember, he often has to deal with my hypersensitivity, and it isn't fun for him, me being annoyed with people at times. Someone I manage to have the presence of mind in my times of stress with my partner, that he could just as easily feel marginalized by my issues as I can by his. Ultimately, I feel better when we occasionally talk about it, and to remember that we both mean well, and aren't perfect. But yeah, sometimes we make an ass of ourselves. One interesting example... Our first fight happened to be on his birthday, when he was standing up in the sitting section of a stadium where we were seeing a rock band. Nobody else in our section was standing because the concert was a very mellow version of all the old songs of this band, although in many other sections of the stadium, everyone was standing (which of course didn't go unnoticed by my bf)! People asked him to sit down because he was blocking many people's view. He politely apologized to them, kept standing and muttered to me privately that they should stand up because "this is a rock concert, not a night at the opera". The thing is, I was sitting down. I yelled at him and told him he was full of shit because he wasn't dancing or anything anyway, when almost all these songs were ballads. If it were rocking music, I would have agreed with him. He purposely stayed standing. I was tempted to get up and leave entirely, I was so embarrassed and mad. We talked it out after and agreed to disagree on it. Later on, I found another perspective on it... While I don't like what happened, this new boyfriend of mine is the type to fight tooth and nail for what he believes is right... And that may come in handy someday, in that he may be more likely to fight for my benefit or the benefit of our relationship. Months later, we joke about that fight, and he feels bad that he embarrassed me, and he has also shown me many instances where his belief in what is right has benefitted my life in some way, or our relationship.<br /><br /><br />Simonnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6834596026525717264.post-70658901269539223232011-07-27T09:18:53.765-07:002011-07-27T09:18:53.765-07:00Rural Gay, it was really important for me with thi...Rural Gay, it was really important for me with this post to show Chris and I don't have the perfect relationship. I know through some of the other pieces I've written here I may have given the impression we don't go through some rough times, but, of course, we do. That's the nature of committed relationships. That's the nature of being human. <br /><br />I don't want gay and lesbian people to think their relationships should be without challenges; otherwise, there's no point being in them. As you say, bailing is easy (for the record, I would never have bailed on Chris over a single incident of being stranded at an airport, not given everything we have between us). And, yes, communication is critical during times like these (particularly after the heat cools down). <br /><br />While Chris comes off not looking good because of what happened, I didn't handle the situation particularly well, either. And I think that's important to point out. How could I have been so insecure, after being with Chris for fifteen years and knowing what kind of a person he is? How could I have thought being forgotten was a reflection of how Chris felt about me? Why did I go to anger instead of giving him the benefit of a doubt?<br /><br />Thanks for your interest in this post. And for highlighting details that are important to keep in mind within the context of any relationship.Rick Modienhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02157314737543591048noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6834596026525717264.post-52297222855981223232011-07-26T22:20:52.200-07:002011-07-26T22:20:52.200-07:00This is a refreshing post, Rick! It reminds us al...This is a refreshing post, Rick! It reminds us all that relationships are not always rosy. Sometimes they can get downright ugly. Bailing is easy. What's interesting is the part you have since forgotten: the effective communication that followed the flipping out. I think you guys are so used to talking things through that that part isn't memorable. It's the mess-ups that stand out, thankfully as anomalies.<br /><br />http://ruralgayguy.blogspot.com/Rural Gayhttp://ruralgayguy.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.com