tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6834596026525717264.post3739985962652342894..comments2023-12-14T13:49:25.768-08:00Comments on This Gay Relationship: Reaching Out for Help in IndonesiaRick Modienhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02157314737543591048noreply@blogger.comBlogger49125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6834596026525717264.post-66258259879981926512011-08-09T12:41:07.514-07:002011-08-09T12:41:07.514-07:00Hi, J., and welcome to the community of caring peo...Hi, J., and welcome to the community of caring people I've created here through my blog. It's great to hear from you, and I appreciate you having the courage to share details about your life and your relationship. <br /><br />I can't allow this opportunity to go by without commenting about what you had to go through to be authentically yourself. I think the biggest problem many gay people have about coming out and being themselves--other than coming to terms with their sexual orientation--is risking the possibility they'll lose everyone who loves them. <br /><br />Of course, there is always the chance that will happen, but, honestly, if it does, after you've been brave enough to present to people for the first time who and what you really are, then you have to question if they truly loved you in the first place. <br /><br />You are a great example of staying true to yourself at all cost, dealing with the fallout of that, and moving on. As you suggested, you are much better off now than if you had pretended to be what everyone else wanted you to be. You have my admiration and respect. What you went through is not an easy thing.<br /><br />I'm not sure if you saw the most recent follow-ups to this blog post, when Aries Boy, the Indonesian fellow for whom I wrote this post, wrote again after several months to say he was really going through some rough stuff. As a result, I wrote a series of posts intended to support him and anyone going through the same thing.<br /><br />Please take a look at "Love is Why We're Here," dated June 27, 2011, and "Responses to a Comment about Self-Acceptance," dated June 30, 2011. Perhaps your partner would benefit from seeing these, too. The difficulties he's going through sound very similar to those of Aries Boy, and I'm hopeful some of what I've written since January of this year will be helpful to him in terms of accepting and loving himself.<br /><br />Thanks for stopping by, for contributing to the conversation on this subject, and for your kind words about what I'm trying to do here. I hope you'll visit often and feel comfortable to leave comments.Rick Modienhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02157314737543591048noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6834596026525717264.post-90089631674943336122011-08-08T22:28:06.990-07:002011-08-08T22:28:06.990-07:00Hey Guys
this is the first time i have seen or rea...Hey Guys<br />this is the first time i have seen or read your blog and its amazing.<br />i am an older(not old lol) australian male who has an indonesian partner.<br />he is going through all of these feelings right now about family,church,social environments etc.<br />personally i was married with 2 children and part of a very strict religous cult and i came out 10 years ago.<br />in doing so i lost all of my family my then friends and my children BUT it is the best thing i ever did.<br />i felt like a huge stone had been lifted off my shoulders.<br />i agree with all the comments about not being alone that there is help out there all we have to do is have the courage to ASK.<br />in my case i will not force my man to come out because it has to be a personal choice and no one should force us to do so.<br />i will stand by him no matter what and encourage,listen and most of all love him more for what he is going through.<br />keep up the good work on this blog.<br />cheers<br />JAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6834596026525717264.post-2764210687686457082011-02-08T12:07:45.894-08:002011-02-08T12:07:45.894-08:00Sarah, I've never read a gay mystery before. ...Sarah, I've never read a gay mystery before. As a rule, I don't gravitate to mysteries, but I've certainly read some in the past. I should get back to them and leave literary novels for a bit. <br />I just finished "The Lonely Polygamist," by Brady Udall. After I bought it, I wondered what the hell I'd done. I have no interest in polygamists, so I thought I'd never make a point of reading this one. I'm glad I did, though. It was beautifully written, helped me to understand the whole concept of polygamy (I still don't agree with it), and the characters were wonderfully compelling. I read it only because "Entertainment Weekly" picked in as the #1 book for 2010. I was not disappointed.<br />I've read some of David Sedaris's work and loved it. Definitely need to read more. <br />Wonderful to hear from you again.Rick Modienhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02157314737543591048noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6834596026525717264.post-85439769835884131132011-02-08T06:52:46.208-08:002011-02-08T06:52:46.208-08:00Well, my limited experience with those kind of boo...Well, my limited experience with those kind of books (the gay reader/all sex ones) is that they are equivalent to steamy romance novels directed at women, which is apparently a huge industry. I can't remember what book website mentioned the Josh Lanyon ones, but the two that I read were pretty decent mysteries, and there was a bit of sex in them, but that wasn't the focus of the book. I have to be careful with mysteries, as I could read them all day, and now have told myself I can only read certain authors...a sort of literary 12 step program, I guess!<br /><br />David Sedaris is good, too...Sarahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07590889190847673743noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6834596026525717264.post-4374655208177099672011-02-07T22:48:06.914-08:002011-02-07T22:48:06.914-08:00Sarah, I can't believe you've read "C...Sarah, I can't believe you've read "Crisis" already. Wow! I loved that book (in case I didn't make that clear before). I'm sure you'll find it helpful in your volunteering. <br />And, speaking of volunteering, congratulations. You must be so excited. I can't wait to hear from you about how it goes, and to support you in any way I can. As the French say, bon chance.<br />Savage's "The Commitment" sounds like the one I should try. I don't envision myself as a parent, so I'm not sure about "The Kid."<br />I'll have to check out the Wayne Rouse books, too. It's not that I don't want to read books with sex in them, it's that I don't want to read books exclusively about sex, which many books intended for gay men are--as though we have nothing else going on. I get frustrated that's the image we seem to have in the media--that we're having sex all the time. As far as I'm concerned, sex is not what being gay is about. There's so much more to it than that. <br />Thanks for the comment and the recommendations.Rick Modienhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02157314737543591048noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6834596026525717264.post-54956791337809375592011-02-07T22:32:05.565-08:002011-02-07T22:32:05.565-08:00Wow, if I were immodest, I'd say great minds t...Wow, if I were immodest, I'd say great minds think alike...that Crisis book is the one I got from Amazon!! I just finished it a couple of weeks ago, and that's the one where the Wade Rouse recommendation came up! It seemed to have the best reviews, and I'm so glad it's what you would have recommended, too. <br /><br />I'm looking forward to reading A Single Man, it sounds wonderful. Thanks for mentioning it, because I didn't even know it was a book, as well as the movie...<br />(don't worry, the Wade Rouse books don't have any sex in them, once or twice he says, "we had sex, and then we did yard work," or something, but that's as graphic as it gets...it's just very funny and very touching, I think you'll like it. Start with the "at least in the city" one.)<br />As far as Dan Savage's books go, I loved the baby one, maybe since I've had kids, but I think I learned the most in The Commitment. It follows more of a time line, whereas "skipping" jumps around a lot. You might like the Commitment best, as it deals with what makes a relationship, how he and his husband approach things differently at times, how their families were...it's really good. (And Terry won't let him discuss their sex life in print!)<br /><br />I had my interview today for the youth group, and I'll start on the 21st. I asked her if I could ask you (and Doug, or anyone else who wants to chime in) for advice, as long as I kept names/specifics out of it, and she said sure, so that's good to know.Sarahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07590889190847673743noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6834596026525717264.post-84669160676568924512011-02-07T14:49:52.370-08:002011-02-07T14:49:52.370-08:00Thanks for the clarification, Sarah.
No, I haven&#...Thanks for the clarification, Sarah.<br />No, I haven't read anything by Dan Savage. We own "Skipping Towards Gomorrah," a book Savage wrote in 2002, and I know Chris read it, but I haven't. So many times I've picked up his books, but I've always put them back down. On your recommendation, I may finally have to give one or more a chance.<br />Anyway, have I got a book for you. I read it about a year and a half ago, and I was deeply moved by it. I think you'd find it most helpful with your volunteering. It's called "Crisis: 40 Stories Revealing the Personal, Social, and Religious Pain and Trauma of Growing Up Gay in America." Edited in part by Mitchell Gold, one half owner of the Mitchell Gold + Bob Williams furniture company out of the U.S. (they manufacture furniture for Pottery Barn, among others), this book is the real deal. It features stories of well-known gay men and lesbian women of their experiences growing up gay, and the stories are in their own words. Some are utterly heart-breaking. I could really relate to many of these personal essays. I know you'd find this material useful. <br />By the way, "A Single Man" would be considered gay literature. There's a lot of junk out there--a lot of gay books emphasizing sex, sex, and more sex--but this is not an example of it. It's beautifully and affectingly written. Very spare. A gay classic for sure. The movie was a stunner, but the book, as always, is so much better. <br />Thanks again. I appreciate it.Rick Modienhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02157314737543591048noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6834596026525717264.post-88847201221114881662011-02-07T10:52:43.919-08:002011-02-07T10:52:43.919-08:00Hi Rick, yes, his name is Gary. You know how on Am...Hi Rick, yes, his name is Gary. You know how on Amazon (worst sentence construction ever...) they will suggest similar books when you are looking at a certain subject? I was buying a book on the experiences young men and women had had before they came out (trying be a little more knowledgeable before volunteering with that youth group), and Wade Rouse's book popped up, so I bought it (love my Kindle!) It was seriously laugh out loud funny, but very touching, too. I went ahead and read the other 2 that are available on Kindle (his first, America's Boy, isn't), one is his account of working at a prep school, which seemed kind of silly at first, but about a third of the way in, went much deeper, it was just so sad (how he felt he had to hide who he was there) in parts. The other one is about holidays with his and his partner Gary's families. I liked it a lot too. Have you read Dan Savage's The Commitment, or The Kid? They're both great.<br />Thanks for the advice on A Single Man, I haven't seen it yet, but now I plan to! (And I didn't realize it was a book, too, I'll look for it.)<br />The only fiction I've read by a male gay writer (have read lots of Rita Mae Brown!) are the mysteries by Josh Lanyon. I love mysteries, and I think I found those on a mystery book blog ages ago.<br />Happy reading!Sarahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07590889190847673743noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6834596026525717264.post-12024277369448510342011-02-06T22:21:00.199-08:002011-02-06T22:21:00.199-08:00Sarah, by his partner, do you mean his gay male pa...Sarah, by his partner, do you mean his gay male partner? I'm always looking for literature by gay male writers about gay characters. <br />Not sure if you've seen the movie "A Single Man," but it was great. I bought the book, by Christopher Isherwood, prior to seeing the movie and thoroughly enjoyed it. Afterward, I placed a Post-it in front of me on my writing table, saying, Write Your Own "A Single Man," to inspire me while I worked on my novel. I'd be thrilled to write a book like that. <br />Thanks for your advice to Aries Boy. I hope he's still checking in, where people care about what happens to him. I think I'll have to check out the book you recommended, too.Rick Modienhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02157314737543591048noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6834596026525717264.post-20548533385572157822011-02-05T18:51:46.957-08:002011-02-05T18:51:46.957-08:00Aries Boy...I just finished a book by Wade Rouse c...Aries Boy...I just finished a book by Wade Rouse called "At least in the city someone would hear me scream", it's hilarious, but really touching, too, as this "city boy" moves to the country with his partner and begins a writing career. It's about following your dreams, and how lucky he feels to have found a life partner, but it is also one of the funniest books I've read. Do you have a Kindle? It's available on Kindle. You may be able to download it from an ebooks site. You also might like The Commitment by Dan Savage, about what happened before he and his husband decided to get married.Sarahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07590889190847673743noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6834596026525717264.post-81933765966882683952011-02-04T12:02:48.747-08:002011-02-04T12:02:48.747-08:00Aries Boy, I'd like to recommend you something...Aries Boy, I'd like to recommend you something to read or watch! What kinds of movies or books have you loved in the past? I know a certain book/movie may be too light for some, while being too heavy for others. <br /><br />If you just want something fun and happy to watch try Muriel's Wedding. Muriel is a plain dejected girl with no interests but listening to ABBA. Then she decides to pursue her childish vision of getting married, and discovers along the way that her real dream is something else. In the end she realizes that her life has become even better than an ABBA song.<br />http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0110598/<br />Not a serious movie but fun!Doughttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05931170635280052744noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6834596026525717264.post-78499351808158067962011-02-04T07:22:16.394-08:002011-02-04T07:22:16.394-08:00Aries Boy, resolve to be a good example. You can ...Aries Boy, resolve to be a good example. You can do it. It's all about the choices you make. Be sure your choices are always true to who you really are, and you'll never go wrong.<br />Thanks for your comment.Rick Modienhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02157314737543591048noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6834596026525717264.post-67278430430742842592011-02-04T03:33:13.045-08:002011-02-04T03:33:13.045-08:00@Doug and Jess:
Yup, every story has two sides. It...@Doug and Jess:<br />Yup, every story has two sides. It personally depends on our perspective to digest the story. Recently, I try to limit my time reading news too. There's so much hurt that mass media offers. Corruption, natural disaster, murder, and so on. Btw, do you have some recommended movies or books? Something that you think encouraging and motivating. I'd like to watch some movies and read some books in this weekend. Thanks.<br /><br />@Rick:<br />Wish me luck to be a good example. With you and your readers supports, I wish I could.Aries_Boynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6834596026525717264.post-72220617859353265612011-02-03T20:24:03.096-08:002011-02-03T20:24:03.096-08:00I think the media can often make things worse for ...I think the media can often make things worse for gay people. Every story has to be sensationalized. But sometimes it helps us, like the coverage of gay teen suicides, which led to a lot of support from the general public. Everything you read in the media should be put into perspective. I try to limit my time reading news, and always try to read positive stories too!Doughttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05931170635280052744noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6834596026525717264.post-76691201691492514742011-02-03T12:28:50.540-08:002011-02-03T12:28:50.540-08:00Thank you, Aries Boy, for providing additional det...Thank you, Aries Boy, for providing additional details about what it's like to be gay in Indonesia. You have helped us all to have a better understanding of what you go through on a daily basis, and that's partly what this blog has become--a place for us to understand each other better. <br />Sure, there are always unfortunate examples of gay people who do us a disservice because of what they are like as people, or how they conduct themselves in their lives. But I have always believed each one of us, including you, is a daily example of what being gay is really like. Each of us is the face of gay wherever we live. We must live our lives in an upstanding way.<br />Remember, everything you do makes a difference not only in how people look at you but how they look at gay people in general. Love yourself, live your life with dignity, and show people just how worthy of their respect you are. <br />Our revolution is a slow one, a single person at a time, a single good example at a time. Slow but surely, we win people over, and the change we've always wanted is ours. <br /><br />Thanks again.Rick Modienhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02157314737543591048noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6834596026525717264.post-68841911577263811942011-02-03T03:52:02.335-08:002011-02-03T03:52:02.335-08:00The gay situation in Estonia is quite similar to t...The gay situation in Estonia is quite similar to the situation I have here in Indonesia. As a developing country, we are trying to combat every form discrimination. But, we're still attached to our conservative norms and values as well. Which is means it's just a small step forward on a long way to go.<br /><br />Maybe I could sue those who were harassing me, but this would exploit my life to the whole public. And you know what, when you come out with this kind of issue, people would easily prejudge you as the one who is merely looking for a popularity and so on.<br /><br />A year ago, we were shocked by a gay who killed six of his exes due to his 'unstable' emotion. He buried them in his parents backyard. Then the news started to exploit how far gay people have fall into the darkness. They exploit our 'extreme' need of SEX as if we were born to be pervert or something. They kept telling to public that gay people could be dangerous for the environment. His case just sets us a bad image, again.<br /><br />I never know an openly gay here. I mean some of our celebrities are gay, but they never officially come out of the closet. The risks are too big. The only way that protect them from the harassment or other negative responds from the society is their exclusive life. They live in a apartment to avoid the social interaction. They build walls, not the bridge. And as far I can tell, it won't be helpful at all. I'm sick of people who keep underestimating gay people. It just makes us even more closed to the society.<br /><br />Btw, when I write my opinions in this blog, I'd like you all to not generalize all of the people in my country. I mean there are still a lot of them who are supporting us. But the point is some of them are still can't be standing in our shoes.Aries_Boynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6834596026525717264.post-19011306417519668052011-02-02T20:19:22.179-08:002011-02-02T20:19:22.179-08:00I think it's amazing that Estonia had no law a...I think it's amazing that Estonia had no law against homosexuality until the Soviet occupation, and then removed it immediately upon independence. You should be very proud of your country, Elevencats. Canada only decriminalized homosexuality in 1969. You are also very fortunate to be a part of the EU, which has been very strong in establishing gay rights. But as you say, just because there is a law to protect you, does not mean you will be fully accepted by society. It takes time for average people to become educated about our issues. Just look at the anti-gay sentiment in the United States. Full gay marriage seemed like a dream just 10 years ago, and now it is recognized in 10 countries (and several US states). So we are witnessing the birth of a new era. I'm sure that in 10 or 20 years, gay people in Estonia will enjoy much more equality in society. Who knows, gay unions might even reach your country before they are recognized by the US federal government.Doughttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05931170635280052744noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6834596026525717264.post-79866189159175777342011-02-02T16:19:38.859-08:002011-02-02T16:19:38.859-08:00elevencats, thank you so much for your detailed de...elevencats, thank you so much for your detailed description of what being homosexual in Estonia is like.<br /><br />A few comments:<br /><br />You seem to have a predicament where the country as a whole is more advanced than the people who live there. Now, the people need to catch up, making the choice to look at gay people as the wonderful human beings we are. (We have that a little in Canada too, where the country legalized gay marriage years ago, but many religious types did not approve of it. Fortunately, over the past few years, the world didn't come to an end just because gay couples were married.) <br /><br />I think it's interesting there's an attitude you can offset the sick, bad, awful things about being gay with the good and positive things of being an upstanding citizen. I can only imagine how that must encourage gay people to be more respectable citizens on the outside, while forcing less desirable behavior underground.<br /><br />I think young people will be our salvation, in your country and mine. While some young people are still being brainwashed by their parents to hate gay people, many realize what their parents say is wrong. The same is true here in Canada as well. Every succeeding generation becomes more open-minded and more accepting. It's only a matter of time. <br /><br />Wow! Gay people are no better than dirt? Imagine how that would make you feel about yourself if you lived in that type of environment. What a hit to the self-esteem.<br /><br />I think great examples of open, upstanding, talented, compassionate, community-minded gay people blaze the trail for all of us. All the more reason why each of us in our own communities must set a great example of how terrific gay people really are. What we do today will make a difference for future generations of gay people. <br /><br />Thanks for taking the time to write this post and for sharing it with us. And thanks for the suggestion, Doug.Rick Modienhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02157314737543591048noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6834596026525717264.post-18760723032735519922011-02-02T15:52:37.949-08:002011-02-02T15:52:37.949-08:00The following was received in my email from eleven...The following was received in my email from elevencats but not attached here.<br /><br />The gay situation in Estonia<br /><br />Firstly, homosexuality has never been criminalized when our country has been a republic. When the Soviet occupation began, the laws of the union expanded to Estonia. The law criminalized homosexual activity between two men. And when we gained independence in 1991, the law stating homosexual activity to be illegal was removed.<br /><br /><br />During the occupation we lived a life of norm stated by those who were in command. You could feel safe, if you would obey and be friends with everyone. And if not, your life could become a living hell.<br /><br />The norm has not yet been erased from our minds. It is common belief that the only family that can be happy consists of a biological father and mother. Still our country has moved on tremendously. We are now part of European Union which gives our country the duty to honor every human being. In 2009 a new law came into force that prohibits discrimination also by sexual preference at our workplace.<br /><br />And yet, it has always remained a taboo subject. Never to be spoken about, never to be accepted. Luckily young people are more open-minded to new ideas and especially to the idea of love. That if a person loves someone, it is the greatest gift and it has to be accepted. The common position is that, if n homosexual is talented and has a great part to play in the well-being of the country, his simple flaw is not important. Homosexuality is often spoken about as a handicap. Hence, giving the basis to prohibit homosexuals to adopt children. (Though a gay man or a woman can adopt a child when she/he is single.) Common knowledge is that homosexuals have sex with countless of men, are overly feminine and have high risk of cancer and HIV infection. <br /><br />So if a person wants to survive in Estonia as a gay individual, he needs to be talented (the first, the best) and with a strong character to keep a smile on your face when words are said and actions taken against this sic individual. It seems to be natural to make the gay feel bad about himself, because he is nothing more than dirt.<br /><br />Still some people have given the basis for the possibility of a partnership law. There are great examples of same-sex people who are talented and therefore accepted by the community. The situation is good but most definitely it can get better if gay people live their lives openly. More importantly, live their lives caring for themselves and others. It will not be easy to expand our rights, but every teardrop, wrinkle and scar is worth to give us the hope that a new day will be lighter and happier. <br /><br />Posted by elevencats to This Gay Relationship at February 2, 2011 3:16 PMRick Modienhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02157314737543591048noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6834596026525717264.post-2858338922707593772011-02-02T15:16:55.963-08:002011-02-02T15:16:55.963-08:00The gay situation in Estonia
Firstly, homosexuali...The gay situation in Estonia<br /><br />Firstly, homosexuality has never been criminalized when our country has been a republic. When the Soviet occupation began, the laws of the union expanded to Estonia. The law criminalized homosexual activity between two men. And when we gained independence in 1991, the law stating homosexual activity to be illegal was removed.<br /><br /><br />During the occupation we lived a life of norm stated by those who were in command. You could feel safe, if you would obey and be friends with everyone. And if not, your life could become a living hell.<br /><br />The norm has not yet been erased from our minds. It is common belief that the only family that can be happy consists of a biological father and mother. Still our country has moved on tremendously. We are now part of European Union which gives our country the duty to honor every human being. In 2009 a new law came into force that prohibits discrimination also by sexual preference at our workplace.<br /><br />And yet, it has always remained a taboo subject. Never to be spoken about, never to be accepted. Luckily young people are more open-minded to new ideas and especially to the idea of love. That if a person loves someone, it is the greatest gift and it has to be accepted. The common position is that, if n homosexual is talented and has a great part to play in the well-being of the country, his simple flaw is not important. Homosexuality is often spoken about as a handicap. Hence, giving the basis to prohibit homosexuals to adopt children. (Though a gay man or a woman can adopt a child when she/he is single.) Common knowledge is that homosexuals have sex with countless of men, are overly feminine and have high risk of cancer and HIV infection. <br /><br />So if a person wants to survive in Estonia as a gay individual, he needs to be talented (the first, the best) and with a strong character to keep a smile on your face when words are said and actions taken against this sic individual. It seems to be natural to make the gay feel bad about himself, because he is nothing more than dirt.<br /><br />Still some people have given the basis for the possibility of a partnership law. There are great examples of same-sex people who are talented and therefore accepted by the community. The situation is good but most definitely it can get better if gay people live their lives openly. More importantly, live their lives caring for themselves and others. It will not be easy to expand our rights, but every teardrop, wrinkle and scar is worth to give us the hope that a new day will be lighter and happier.elevencatsnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6834596026525717264.post-31466398404708740112011-02-02T11:37:40.461-08:002011-02-02T11:37:40.461-08:00As always, Doug, good, common sense advice for Ari...As always, Doug, good, common sense advice for Aries Boy and anyone else in a similar situation. <br />Thanks for contributing.Rick Modienhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02157314737543591048noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6834596026525717264.post-62640336905197473822011-02-02T11:34:09.300-08:002011-02-02T11:34:09.300-08:00Thanks, Aries Boy, for your comment of today.
I i...Thanks, Aries Boy, for your comment of today.<br /><br />I identify with what you wrote to Sarah. I've rarely fit in to gay clubs and organizations for the exact reason you identify. The good news is, if you're not comfortable with the kind of people you describe, you don't need to associate with them. Strike out on your own, and you will always respect yourself for making the right decision for you.<br /><br />That said, I think connecting with other people who are gay and who you respect would be extremely helpful to you. Yes, many of us gay men like to be alone because we're so used to being alone. We appreciate our company more than anyone else does. But I recommend keeping yourself open to the possibility of befriending another gay man like you if you should meet one. Just knowing you're not alone and have someone you can turn to when things get tough would make a big difference in your life. <br /><br />You are quite right in what you said to Doug. Not only are you gay and a professional, but you are also a human being. In fact, in all cases, you are a human being first. This is important to keep in mind when it comes to how you feel about yourself, because you are entitled to all the wonderful things all human beings are, regardless of your sexual orientation, such as respect, dignity, love, etc. Very important not to lose sight of this.<br /><br />Finally, the reason why I mention homosexuality is legal in Indonesia is because, at the very least, your country officially recognizes gay people. I imagine you situation would be even worse if homosexuality were illegal. Also, I assume wherever homosexuality is legal, various companies, etc. put laws in place to ensure gay people are not harassed and discriminated against. That's why I asked about your workplace. But, you are right, you would still like the acceptance of the people you encounter. <br /><br />Until that happens, I hope you are not held back from respecting and loving yourself. First and foremost, the acceptance you need is from yourself, because, if you have that, you will have the strength you need to deal with the things that come your way without compromising how you feel about yourself. I hope this makes sense. <br /><br />Thanks again for your comment, and I'm sure I speak on behalf of all of us that we understand you just fine. Your use of the English language is better than you think.Rick Modienhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02157314737543591048noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6834596026525717264.post-25650645212868829742011-02-02T11:24:11.641-08:002011-02-02T11:24:11.641-08:00Aries Boy, it sounds like you are already heading ...Aries Boy, it sounds like you are already heading in the right direction! You're smart and you know what kind of friends you want. Just believe in yourself, and create your own circle of friends one at a time. The current culture in Indonesia may be challenging, but there are good people (gay and straight) everywhere, waiting for you to find them. Try to imagine how much better everything will be in 10 or 20 years. The world is changing faster than you think!Doughttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05931170635280052744noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6834596026525717264.post-88808369647217861772011-02-02T03:56:59.822-08:002011-02-02T03:56:59.822-08:00Thank you guys for all of your supports. I appreci...Thank you guys for all of your supports. I appreciate it. :)<br /><br />@ Sarah:<br />When i was in the college, there was a secret community for the LGBT Students. But, like I said b4, I wasn't interesting to join. First of all because they were full of students who love partying, clubbing, and so on. Simply put, they were so hedonists. I couldn't adapt myself to their lifestyle.<br />I believe there are some positive communities out there. But I don't like hang around. I'm too shy. Even since childhood, I'm used to be alone. :(<br /><br />@Doug:<br />Definitely, I'm doing my best now in my job. At least, someone would finally have to appreciate my achievement, right? I am gay, but I am more than just a gay. I could be a professional too. :)<br /><br />@Rick:<br />You always confirm me that being gay is legal in Indonesia. I don't know exactly what your point is. All I can say now is that I don't need law protection. All I need is an acceptance of who I really am, no matter what. The law may protect me from bad treatments regarding issue of my sexual orientation. But as long as I am not accepted in the society, It won't do anything good to me. I need the heart of this people. <br /><br />@ All:<br />Overall, I'm not a native speaker. So, please forgive me for the messy grammars. I hope you do understand about what I wrote before. Thank you. GOD bless you all.Aries_Boynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6834596026525717264.post-42408181069748353902011-02-01T16:16:46.714-08:002011-02-01T16:16:46.714-08:00Hey, I have to thank all of my readers for creatin...Hey, I have to thank all of my readers for creating this community, Sarah. I only put the ideas out there. What all of you bring to the table is so much more than I could ever have hoped for. This blog truly is a cool place to be, and I'm thrilled you're all on board to share the experience with me.Rick Modienhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02157314737543591048noreply@blogger.com