tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6834596026525717264.post8400178127096090032..comments2023-12-14T13:49:25.768-08:00Comments on This Gay Relationship: To Those Who Think They're UglyRick Modienhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02157314737543591048noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6834596026525717264.post-15212246415616893652016-06-10T09:56:43.172-07:002016-06-10T09:56:43.172-07:00Anonymous, it's been some time since I've ...Anonymous, it's been some time since I've written this post, so I had to read it again. I stand by every word. <br /><br />This is not a matter of blame. I do not blame the gay person–or anyone, really–who thinks he's ugly, for causing other people to think he's ugly too. Rather, it's a matter of control. <br /><br />The only person you have control over in any situation is yourself. It's always your choice to see yourself as ugly, or, if you don't meet the present-day standard of attractiveness, to find something about your physical appearance that you like: a great smile, beautiful eyes, nice hair, that sort of thing. I don't believe anyone is so ugly that there is nothing redeeming about his appearance. Find something, and focus on that.<br /><br />Don’t you see that, when you consider yourself ugly, you approach the world that way–keeping your head down, avoiding eye contact, shying away from starting conversations? But don’t you also see that, even if you’re not the most attractive person, and you still present yourself as though you are, there’s a confidence people read on you, which makes them more inclined to approach and befriend you? <br /><br />Listen, I’d be the first to admit the gay community is superficial as hell, focusing on physical attractiveness at the expense of other more important and enduring qualities. And I won’t pretend those who aren’t attractive are shunned. Of course they are; that’s reality. I’ve been shunned a good deal too. But, buddy, it’s no way to go through life thinking you’re “repulsively ugly.” You deserve better than that. Especially from yourself. <br /><br />As I write this, it occurs to me that, if you don’t want to focus on physical appearance, and you don’t want other people to focus on your physical appearance either, then earn their attention, kindness, and respect by building your character. Volunteer. Do nice things for other people. Always present yourself to the world as though you like, respect, and love yourself, despite what you look like. Who won’t sit up and take notice of that?<br /><br />Thanks for your comment. I hope I’ve said something here that’s helpful. <br />Rick Modienhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02157314737543591048noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6834596026525717264.post-83458242595538907672016-06-09T17:46:34.753-07:002016-06-09T17:46:34.753-07:00I saw a link to this via a facebook page. I am so...I saw a link to this via a facebook page. I am sorry but I I couldnt read too far into it because I was getting too angry. This notion of blaming people for other people finding them unattractive by saying "its because you think it" is unhelpful and often untrue. I have had to accept that I am repulsively ugly to the vast majority of gay men. This is despite the fact I always used to think that I was adequately average in the looks department, but after years of guys shunning me, looking down their nose, excluding me, pushing me out, and even on occasion telling me that I was (too) ugly... I have had to accept that is the case. What is worse, now that I openly accept this fact, these same guys get very angry with me for doing so (it seems OK to make me feel that way but its an unforgivable crime for me to acknowledge it). What is worse, they then blame me for all this saying that what I think (which I didn't actually think at all to start with) somehow manifests itself physically. Well im afraid many people, even those who can be considered stunningly attractive, those who are well loved, have relationships and are highly desired can still be insecure about their looks!!!!!<br /><br />I can have a profile on a dating website/app etc with a picture and nobody will speak at all. The same profile with no photograph will get messages, however these guys will then stop talking immediately (and often instantly block me) as soon as they see a photograph.<br /><br />That isn't about what I think about what I look like (as much as people like you may try and place blame on me for it) It is about what those people see and how they feel about it! Sadly some of us are ugly, hopefully most of us will have other qualities to offer people prepared to look past that, but sadly a lot of gay men don't seem to want to!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6834596026525717264.post-88648493544882698652013-07-22T17:33:28.706-07:002013-07-22T17:33:28.706-07:00Speaking of beautiful, marcelmvs, your comment is ...Speaking of beautiful, marcelmvs, your comment is beautiful. <br /><br />I love your perspective on this, and I'm hopeful the young man who contacted me will read what you wrote. (By the way, I've already heard from him again, and he said he's made some changes to how he sees himself that are making a positive difference in his life.) <br /><br />I'm so happy for you and your partner. I hope you spend many wonderful years together as Chris and I have.<br /><br />Thank you for your interest in my blog, and all the very best.<br />Rick Modienhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02157314737543591048noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6834596026525717264.post-57054109014352592122013-07-22T15:17:05.422-07:002013-07-22T15:17:05.422-07:00Your response to this letter is beautiful. I feel ...Your response to this letter is beautiful. I feel I have something unique to add to this person who e-mailed you though so I hope he is reading this. <br /><br />I am a white gay man in my late 20s and I never once listened to the suggestions that somehow Asian boys are less attractive. Think about it this way. We all have different types of people we are attracted to. That is part of why most gay clubs are segregated by types. <br /><br />I am also engaged to an Asian man. He is a beautiful man who I am deeply in love with. Remember, your own personal feelings about yourself are more important than what anyone might think about you. My fiance and I disagree all the time about whether a guy we pass on the street is cute. What will not change though, is I find him to be attractive and he finds me to be attractive. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com