tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6834596026525717264.post8532123299566030287..comments2023-12-14T13:49:25.768-08:00Comments on This Gay Relationship: Why I Feel Uncomfortable Being GayRick Modienhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02157314737543591048noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6834596026525717264.post-29359361327313127212013-11-27T22:50:59.047-08:002013-11-27T22:50:59.047-08:00Wonderful comment, Ian, and thanks for taking the ...Wonderful comment, Ian, and thanks for taking the time to read this post and respond to it.<br /><br />The good news for all of us is that there really is nothing new under the sun. You can be sure that, if you feel it, someone else either has or is feeling it right now, and ultimately that helps us feel we're not alone.<br /><br />I think the trick is that we need to integrate all parts of ourselves. If I've learned anything, it's that everything that goes into making who I am is fine just the way it is. It's okay to feel frustrated sometimes and to feel satisfied sometimes too.<br /><br />I'm so glad what I wrote in this post comforted and helped you in some way. That's the whole reason why I started, and continue to work on, this blog<br /><br />Thanks again for the positive feedback. I appreciate it. Rick Modienhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02157314737543591048noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6834596026525717264.post-56527060047302473492013-06-09T01:12:47.493-07:002013-06-09T01:12:47.493-07:00I know how you feel in a lot of ways..I'm 19 y...I know how you feel in a lot of ways..I'm 19 years old and have never really felt like I've been "apart of" either gender. I've mostly grown up having close relationships with women but I've had periods over the past couple of years where I literally craved male companionship. I've always been able to have conversations with guys but there is never that level of comfort that I have when talking to a girl. But being around a bunch of girls constantly isn't something I'm fond of either. It's all very confusing. I get what you mean, as a human being I can't help but yearn for a place to belong. Sometimes I feel masculine and am very comfortable with it and other times I feel feminine and uncomfortable. Sometimes it's the other way around. Thanks for this post, it feels good to know that there are gay men that feel the way I do in some ways. Iannoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6834596026525717264.post-84034175820100865272013-04-01T19:23:23.083-07:002013-04-01T19:23:23.083-07:00I was married to a man for 7 years before I came o...I was married to a man for 7 years before I came out, we had 2 children during that time. Growing up in the 70's and early 80's I felt attractions to women but never told anyone because homosexuality wad not accepted and I didn't know any gay people. I got married to a man because I felt like I had to do the normal thing,,,after 7 years I met a woman at work and it was an instant attraction.. I was with her for 5 years and went on to date only women aftet that.,,I have been with my current partner for 8 years and am struggling because I am no longer comfortable being gay...this is not the first time I have felt like this.,,I need someone to talk to ..,I am uncomfortable in my own skin.,,I am constantly thinking about being with a man...please helpAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6834596026525717264.post-88000603240257920752013-02-12T23:17:13.555-08:002013-02-12T23:17:13.555-08:00Anonymous, you are so sweet and kind–first, to hav...Anonymous, you are so sweet and kind–first, to have taken the time to read this very long post, and second, with your generous and heartfelt response. You have no idea how much I appreciate it. <br /><br />You're right. I wrote this post some years back and had forgotten what it said. Reading it again just now, I was reminded of what was on my mind at the time, and what I obviously felt compelled to write about. <br /><br />For about the first two years I kept this blog (April 2009 to January 2011), I wrote to purge. I had just turned fifty, and so much of my life was about unresolved issues related to being gay. In addition to going through a difficult mid-life crisis, I was going through a sexual orientation crisis, too, wondering when, or if, I'd ever be able to put the matter of being gay behind me. <br /><br />Well, I'm pleased to advise I have done that. But not without a lot of reflection and writing on this blog. I put it all out there, holding nothing back. I found my voice and finally put words to feelings I'd had my entire life. If anyone doubts the cathartic effect of writing, all he has to do is take a look at the very different direction my blog took, once I'd gotten everything out there that I needed to.<br /><br />In January 2011, this blog became a place for gay and lesbian people to learn to understand, accept, and love themselves. I had worked my way there, and I was confident I was in a position to share something through my writing that would help others. <br /><br />I'm pleased that has been the case. I continue to hear from people around the world, who tell me they have been comforted by my words. You can't imagine how good reading that makes me feel. <br /><br />Of course, you're right. There are many definitions of masculinity, and you don't have to play sports, know cars, or date women to be a real man. I always knew that, but I was blind to it because I was still very angry about being gay. <br /><br />I'm so happy to tell you that's no longer the case. I haven't had those feelings in a long time. Today, I try to focus less on any inadequacies I might feel about myself, and more on how I can help to make the journey for other gay and lesbian people an easier and happier one. Focusing on others has really helped to make my life a richer and more fulfilling one. <br /><br />I want to thank you again your kindness. It gives me great pleasure to hear from people like you. I hope you found what you were looking for when you came to my blog. Rick Modienhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02157314737543591048noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6834596026525717264.post-77402389602160038812013-02-12T18:05:57.926-08:002013-02-12T18:05:57.926-08:00I hope I am not being intrusive and ignorant regar...I hope I am not being intrusive and ignorant regarding your feelings but I will try to address some of the points that you have raised, especially regarding the 'real man' thing.<br />First of all, I am sorry that you feel disconnected to your own gender. I understand that sometimes you desire to have some traits that resemble what you called a 'real man'. The thing is there are many straight men out there who do not resemble this old matrix of how a man should be and how he should act, what he should like.<br />I am a woman and I have been in a relationship with a wonderful man that couldn't be further away from some of those traits. He hates football and he's not very passionate about other sports either, he has a passion for shiny gems and he's very sensitive. Also, I've been friends since middle-school with two amazing guys, both of them straight and pretty cut off from this sport-loving car-fixing ubermanly culture.<br />What I mean to say is that I believe that you shouldn't doubt your masculinity because it comes in a great variety of shapes. It may not conform to some typical pattern but then again, the nerdy guys, the shy ones, the scientist/artist types don't conform either but that doesn't make them any less manly. Perhaps you simply didn't find the right group of guys to interact with, that share your interests.<br />(I notice that this is something of an older post and I hope that by now you have found the right guys to interact with.)<br />All the best!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6834596026525717264.post-64728235895838915922009-10-18T21:59:37.487-07:002009-10-18T21:59:37.487-07:00You've piqued my curiosity, Wendy, about the i...You've piqued my curiosity, Wendy, about the items that you're not so sure about. I look forward to hearing what they are. And you know I always look forward to our discussions. They always make me think about things I hadn't considered before.<br />I look forward to hearing from you on this.Rick Modienhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02157314737543591048noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6834596026525717264.post-55632103407942751512009-10-17T13:48:58.802-07:002009-10-17T13:48:58.802-07:00There's a lot to chew on here, Rick. You'...There's a lot to chew on here, Rick. You've been so transparent and I think you've hit on a few key things - some of which I totally get, and others I am not so sure about. I suspect we have fodder for further discussion here!Wendyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03361076209603565742noreply@blogger.com