Update

For those of you still reading this blog after all these years—with Instagram, TikTok, and the like, are blogs even popular anymore?—possibly looking for a new post from me, well, here I am and here it is.

First, after not logging into this blog since April 2022, today, I updated my age, 64, and the number of years I've been with my partner, 31. Otherwise, not a lot has changed in the last year and a half. I'm still writing. Currently, I'm working on a third novel, this one a gay romance featuring two wonderful characters who are sixty years old.

Back in the day, I confess I didn't have a lot of use for older gay men, mostly because I was much younger than them, they were often predatory, and I hadn't fully come to terms with being gay. Today, I'm now one of those older gay men, and while I'm not predatory and never will be, I certainly understand how being older and gay feels. Thankfully, I'm still with my partner of over thirty-one years, so I haven't had to deal with being alone, lonely, and looking for love again.

Back to my writing. My first novel, which I finished writing several years ago, is on hold. After taking twelve years to write it and having it professionally edited, I discovered that, while it has many strengths, it also has major weaknesses. Eventually, I plan to address these problems in some way, but my focus now is on writing the gay romance.

And, two years ago, I finished the first draft of a second novel, which I haven't looked at since. The plan is return to that one at some point too. I look forward to seeing what I put on the paper and to shaping it into something worthy of publication.

I'm a very different person from who started writing this blog in 2009. Back then, I was still trying to get everyone to like me. I was still working hard to convince people I was a worthy human being, even though I was gay. In some cases, that proved futile and frustrated me. Now, I don't care. Like me, don't like me, it doesn't matter. I'm happier with myself than I've ever been, and, frankly, that's all that matters. But it took me a long time to get here. I pray, if you're still struggling in some way with being gay or lesbian, you'll learn this much sooner than I did and waste a lot less of your life.

In the end, the only opinion of you that really matters...is your own.

As always, I can be contacted at rmodien@telus.net. If you read something in this blog that resonates with you, or if you're struggling with accepting yourself, I'm available to answer questions or to chat. I love hearing from readers, and I love helping, if I can.

Friends of John

 

I’ve never done this before, and I don’t know if it’ll work. I’m hopeful. I guess we'll see.

 

Nine years ago, I “met” a gay Middle Eastern young man, who I’ll call John, when he was twenty-one and read something on this blog. He responded by sending an article written by a young man very much like himself, who’d escaped their homeland and emigrated to a Scandinavian country. The article shook him, and it shook me. The escape was harrowing, as was what the writer of the article wrote about adjusting to life in a foreign country. My heart went out to John, the realities of what being gay must be like for him, and what his future might look like. 

Over the next six and a half years, John and I corresponded, off and on, through responses to blog posts I published here and via emails. His English was not good. In fact, sometimes he was difficult to understand, and I’m sure I was difficult to understand too when my emails to him often ran several pages long. Sometimes, I didn’t hear from him for months. One time, I didn’t hear from him for two and a half years, while he completed mandatory military training. Then I did, and I was thrilled. I was thrilled there was something in my ongoing blog posts and in our past correspondences that compelled him to stay in touch, even after long periods. And I was equally thrilled to know he was okay. His situation hadn’t improved—he was still gay, obviously, and he still lived in his country—but for now, he was healthy and doing well. 

Two and a half years ago, we started videoconferencing. If I was thrilled John had stayed in touch over the years, I was over the moon to finally meet him, to see what he looked like. I was stunned by how handsome he was (he reminds me of Omar Sharif Jr.)—his black hair, his brown skin, and a smile like, well, like a movie star’s. I didn’t know what to expect. His English was still rough, and I had some difficulty understanding everything he said. (Later, I’d learn that, for the first six months we videoconferenced, he programmed what I said to appear on his screen.) But we persisted. I spoke slower, and he worked harder on learning English. In the last year, he took a specialized English course and aced it. Today, we have no difficulty understanding each other. I would even say his English is outstanding. 

Why am I telling you all this? 

Because, to me, John is a very special young man. He’s thirty-one, and, remarkably, given his circumstances, he accepts his orientation; he knows there’s nothing wrong with him, and that being gay is just another part of who he is. 

I feel close to John, more so than just friends. Double his age, I could be his father. In many respects, I feel like I am. 

We talk about everything, but especially those things he could never tell his family. We talk about his experiences being gay, and we talk about mine. We talk about the men we’ve been with, including the sex parts. We talk about a young man he’s been interested in for years—who isn’t gay. We talk about the constant pressure his family puts him under to get married and have children (in other words, to prove to them and everyone he’s “normal.”). We talk about how much love he has to give, and how much he wants to be in love. 

I’ve never met anyone like John. He’s sweet, clever, sensitive, thoughtful, and funny as hell. We’ve cried together, and we’ve laughed our faces off together. Oh, how we’ve laughed. 

He loves the outdoors, and poetry, and art, and storytelling, and music, and his family, and his country. Despite the fact he could face severe consequences if it were found out he’s gay, including execution, his country is his home, and, for now, he's chosen to stay there. For this reason, I find him courageous and strong beyond words, beyond anything I had to go through growing up gay and coming of age in the 1970s. And, as his father on the other side of the world, I want all good things for John, because he deserves them. 

This is where you come in. 

Understandably, it’s very difficult for John to meet other gay men in his country, people he can befriend, share with, and trust. Thus, if anything I wrote here resonates with you (or someone you know); if you are male and gay; if you are around John’s age; if you can speak and write English (a must); if you are open to meeting someone online and seeing what happens in terms of pursuing a friendship, send an email at the  link below. Tell me, tell John, why you believe you could be good friends, even if that friendship can only take place over social media. Tell us a little about yourself, what about my profile of John appeals to you, what you’d like out of a potential friendship with him. 

Oh, and by the way, this is sincere, so you be sincere. I really am looking to help introduce John to other amazing young gay men like him, no matter where in the world. Nine years ago, I met John through my blog, and our friendship today is one of the most precious things in my life. Maybe lightning can strike twice.

Good people really can meet good people online. I’m counting on that happening for John again.

 

Here's the email link: friendsofjohn@outlook.com 

Hey!

 

It's been over a year now since I've published anything here, but that doesn't mean This Gay Relationship hasn't been active. In fact, it's been more active than ever at the 2.0 version of the blog on the Facebook group page.

There, you'll find a selection of items from the internet that appeals to me, and that I want to share with you. As well as lots of original content in the form of my comments and, well, original content, including my tell it like it is opinion on various subjects.

Check it out.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/1415555522044128/ 

Publication Update

It's been a while, hasn't it?

I've wanted to give you an update for a long time but didn't get around to it––that is, an update in the completion and submission of my novel. As you'll recall from the previous post, my original goal date was June 30, 2019.

Well, I didn't achieve that. I tried, I really did, but my manuscript wasn't ready, and I knew it. After working on it for ten years, I thought I could wait a while longer to submit, until I was certain it was the best I could do.

I FINALLY finished my manuscript, realizing a lifelong dream, in mid-September 2019. Shortly after, I submitted it to several publishers. I also submitted it to several more publishers in mid-January of this year and another in February. Currently, my manuscript is in the hands of five publishers, and I'm waiting for a positive response.

Now, we're all dealing with COVID-19––who knew we'd face the worst pandemic in our lifetimes. No one knows when that will end, or what our world will look like when it does. Of course, there are more important things happening than whether my novel is accepted for publication, but I still hope. We will get through this, and the world will go on, including publishing books and people eager to read them.

In the meantime, I've been working on my second novel, which is the second in the series. The outline is almost finished, and I'll soon begin writing the first draft.

Thanks for your interest.

Hope all of you are well.

Stay healthy.    

June 30, 2019

Yea!

So what's the significance of June 30?

For those of you who are interested, June 30 is the date by which I plan to submit my novel to several publishers. Did I just type that? I can't believe it. It's been a long, long journey.

I can't think of anything I've wanted to be more than a writer. I remember writing a short story with a babysitter when I was a kid. It was a western (don't ask me why I chose that genre, because I have no interest in it today), and I wish I still had that story. That was a lot of years ago (I'll be sixty this October). And, while I wrote a first novel in my early twenties––coming home after work, eating dinner, cleaning up, then writing longhand in scribblers at least until bedtime and often beyond that, for nine solid months––it was a piece of crap and will never see the light of day. But…it taught me something important. It taught me I could write a novel, start to finish. It taught me I had what it took to stick with something and see it through to completion. And it gave me the energy to keep going this time around.

Some of the notes I've kept around writing my current novel have 2010 written on them. That's when I started to figure out what I wanted to write about. But I didn't really start it in earnest until 2012. That's still a hell of a long time––an average of four or five hours a day, Monday to Friday, with short breaks in between, for nearly seven years. SEVEN YEARS. Did I think I could do this? No. I wasn't sure. Am I glad I did? You can't imagine how much.

Thirty-six chapters, 393 pages, 96,747 words––my novel is almost done, and I couldn't be more thrilled. Truly a lifelong dream come true. The query letter is written. The synopsis is written. And now, I'm polishing to make sure my manuscript shines: validating setting details, cutting throwaway words (for example, very, also, rather, really, quite, etc.), and addressing the last issues I've documented on literally thousands and thousands of note sheets since starting this process. I have never worked this hard on anything or felt more fulfilled by something I've done. I've given birth to a book, and I'm closer to it than I am to most human beings.

As always, I'm still available if there's anything in my blog you're interested in and want to ask me about. Or if you just want to talk about something in your life, something you're going through. Simply send me an email at rmodien@telus.net, and I will respond. I'd love to hear from you.

Update

At the Dole Pineapple Plantation in Hawaii, December 2017

 
As you may have noticed, I haven't published much on my blog in a while. That's because I'm working hard to put the final touches on a novel, which I've had on the go since about 2012, and which I'm anxious to finish and submit to a publisher.

In an effort to keep in touch with you, I started a "This Gay Relationship" Facebook page several years ago, where I continuously post smaller, quick-hit items I think you might be interested in––from LGBT news stories I find in my reading on the internet, to movies and TV shows I recommend, to reviews of books, and anything I'd like to share.

I hope you'll check it out (see the top of the column to the right). And, if you're so inclined, I'd love if you joined me and the other members.

Happy 2018

Time for a new picture of Chris and me, from our trip to Hawaii in early December 2017, where we marked our twentieth-fifth anniversary together.

And a reminder, even though I haven't published a post here in some time, I'm still the owner of this blog, and I'm still committed to it and my readers.  Send me your comments, questions, and emails, and I'll respond.  I promise.

Happy 2018.  May this be your best year yet.