I admit, I have a fetish for straight men, because straight men are not gay.
What? That doesn't make sense.
I know it doesn't. But it's true.
How many times have I paused to watch a handsome man interact with his wife and young children? Young daddies, a gay friend and I used to call them. Years later, I still stop to look at them--their heterosexuality confirmed by the presence of children. Is there anything genuinely sexier than watching a straight man push a baby stroller? If there is, I'd like to see it.
Straight men have an allure all their own, one gay men can't hope to have. Sure, lots of gay men are handsome, even beautiful, and lots of them have killer bodies. I take a look at them, as everyone does, because you can't help yourself. I look at extraordinary physical beauty in men...and women. It's not because I'm gay I can't appreciate a beautiful woman.
But gay men try too hard. They aren't as natural as straight men. In general, their hard bodies aren't earned through tough, physical labor--they're created and honed at the gym. Not the same at all.
Straight men are assured of their masculinity. Long-time readers of my blog know I've had issues with my masculinity because I'm gay. My guess is many gay men do too. But straight men come by their masculinity honestly. They don't have to pretend they're masculine by wearing funky facial hair, or unusual leather outfits, or riding a Harley Davidson. Straight men are just masculine…because they're straight. Being straight makes them masculine.
Young daddies have a softness to them, even a vulnerability. When they're with their children, they're not afraid to be warm toward them, to cuddle or hold them close, to connect with them, physically and emotionally. Gay men want to cuddle and hold only when they want something from you. Otherwise, they have no use for you at all. Is there anything colder than a gay man who's not interested in you?
Straight men don't have to work at who they are. They just are. Their whole being speaks of the ease with which they are men. While gay men seem to have to put a lot of effort into who they are, perhaps to like themselves more, or to appear more attractive to other gay men, or to hide their gayness. It all feels phony and flashy and pretentious.
Then there's the whole gay fantasy of having sex with a straight man. Is it a conversion thing--do we secretly hope to bring them over to our side? I don't think so, because if that happens, then they weren't straight to begin with. Then you're dealing with the whole gay thing, just in different clothing.
For me, the fantasy of having sex with a straight man has to do with being validated by him. No other straight man has ever validated me, accepted me, made me feel I belong, that I'm all right, I'm a man, despite my sexual orientation. No gay man will be able to validate me in quite the way I need it (not even my partner). So, for me, it's less about the fantasy of having sex with a straight man and more about the emotional intimacy. That's where true acceptance comes from.