Crossroads

Used by kind permission
Copyright by http://www.martin-liebermann.de 

And so, after nearly three continuous years, I've decided to take a break from writing this blog.  This has not been an easy decision to make, but one that's been in the works for a while and one I believe is necessary.

I can't think of a better time than the beginning of a new year to assess what I've achieved with my blog, and to determine if I have anything further to offer on the same range of subjects, or if I need to go in a different direction.  Alternatively, maybe my blog has run its course.  I haven't figured that out yet.  

What I do know is I've put an enormous amount of time and effort into "This Gay Relationship," with the sincerest of intentions, and, for the most part, I'm pleased with what I've shared with you. I also know I want the experience of writing this blog for me, and the experience of reading it for you, to be valuable and worthwhile.  And I guess I wonder whether or not that continues to be the case.    

Who knows?  I could be back as early as tomorrow, if I figure out by then what I want to do with this platform, or if I'm suddenly inspired to keep doing what I've done to see where it takes us. On the other hand, it could be a while before I make an appearance again.  I guess time will tell.

Just because I'm taking a break doesn't mean I don't want to hear from you.  On the contrary.  If you read something in an existing post and wish to leave a comment, or if you'd like to send me an email (see Send Mail at the top on the righthand side), I hope you will.  I'd love to hear from you.  Even if I don't write anything new, I'm happy to support my work here, and to help with any question you may have or advice you may seek.    

In the meantime, there are 429 published posts for you to look at, going back to February 2009, on subjects ranging from how I came to terms with my homosexuality, to how Chris and my relationship works, to how to understand, accept, and love yourself (a subject near and dear to my heart, as it relates to all gay and lesbian people).  I hope you'll take this time to dig deeper into what is already here and find something that interests you.

As always, I'm grateful for your time and interest.  Far and away, 2011 was the best year ever for "This Gay Relationship," and I met some wonderful people through their generous comments, many of whom I consider friends. It also showed me what's required to keep energy going around a blog over an extended period, and how much time it really takes to do it well.  Before I recommit myself, I want to be certain my time (as well as yours) is well-spent.

Once again, thank you, and I look forward to reconnecting with you very soon.

Merry Christmas, Everyone!

Chris and I wish you all a very Merry Christmas and a wonderful 2012.  


And may I extend my sincere thanks to each and every one of you for your interest and participation in my blog this year.  2011 has been the best year ever at "This Gay Relationship," and I couldn't have done it without you.  

You mean more to me than you know.    

Sanctioned Bullying

The issue of bullying in British Columbia schools was again raised in December 16 issue of The Vancouver Sun, this time, thankfully, before yet another gay youth took his life.  But alarming to me in the article titled "B.C. plans tougher anti-bullying policies to protect students," written by Janet Steffenhagen, was not so much what was said as what was implied.  

At issue is the likely reaction of some religious groups should Premier Christy Clark, who's gone on record to say her government will do more to ensure all students are protected from bullying in B.C. schools, propose "...an anti-bullying policy that pays special attention to LGBT students or requires gay-straight alliances in faith-based schools [p. A7]."

On one side of the argument is Doug Lauson, president of the Federation of Independent School Associations of B.C., who's quoted as saying, '"We would be 100-per-cent behind a policy or legislation that was against all forms of bullying....  But to emphasize one form of bullying [such as that against LGBT students] would be problematic."

On the other side is the B.C. Teachers' Federation, which has demanded "...better protection for LGBT students for years."  Vice-president Glen Hansman said, '"While it is more comfortable for many [people] to stay within the comfort of generic bullying, the effects of racist and homophobic harassment are very real for the people who are the targets...and racism and homophobia don't get addressed if we only speak of bullying [in general]."'

According to the article, several recommendations have been made on policies or programs that should be in place to protect LGBT students and the type of bullying they're subjected to, but some religious organizations and parent groups consistently raise objections, claiming LGBT students would receive preferential treatment, and classroom lessons could conflict with "...their traditional family and religious values."

I came away from reading this article with several impressions.  One is that these religious organizations and parent groups don't understand the severity of the bullying LGBT students endure (something I know a thing or two about, having attended several B.C. public schools in the late 60s and '70s).  And what the potential outcome of that bullying is (from overwhelming feelings of worthlessness to suicide, which we've heard a lot about in the media over the past year or so).

One other impression I was left with was that, because these religious organizations and parent groups don't distinguish between different types of bullying, or support the necessity to target each area with policies and programs intended to educate and create greater awareness and acceptance, they can turn their backs on the problem and hope the entire matter of sexual orientation goes away.  

To me, that amounts to nothing less than sanctioned discrimination and bullying against lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender youths, because these religious organizations and parent groups believe the youths deserve it.  After all, everyone knows being lesbian or gay is wrong; everyone who's gay or lesbian should know better.  So, if you don't want to be bullied, stop being gay or lesbian.  

News Flash!!!  After all the unrelenting bullying I endured over most of my grade schools years, with absolutely no support whatsoever, surprise, surprise, I still ended up being gay.  You'd think with everything I'd gone through, I would have gotten the message loud and clear, and I would have changed my evil ways.  But, no, that didn't happen.  And I'll give you one guess as to why it didn't happen.   

Let's agree that denying the existence of gays and lesbians, and preventing gay and lesbian youth from getting the targeted protection they need in schools, isn't going to stop young people from being gay and lesbian.  And let's also agree that what goes around, comes around.  It isn't some other unfortunate schlub whose children or grandchildren are gay.  Chances are you have gay and lesbian people in your family right now.     

The best thing you can do for those youths who have no choice but to be gay or lesbian is to prevent them from being bullied, thereby ensuring their academic experience is more rewarding, their self-esteem isn't decimated, they're less likely to kill themselves, and they go on to live happy and fulfilling lives.  After all, what's the worst thing that could happen to you personally if your child is gay or lesbian?  (Hint:  It's not about you.)  

What Do I Tell The Children?

Last evening, after watching "X Factor" (yeah, Melanie, you so deserved to win), I happened to play channel roulette and caught a piece of an Oprah's "Lifeclass" episode on OWN.  The subject was "The Truth Will Set You Free," and the first guest was Ellen Degeneres, following the now-famous cover of Time magazine when she declared "Yep, I'm Gay."  How many of us as gay men or lesbian women will forget that?  What a victory for all of us.  How brave was Ellen at the time?  

1997 doesn't sound like all that long ago, but I was reminded of just how long ago it was, at least in terms of public attitudes toward gay people, when "Lifeclass" featured reactions Ellen received from some audience members, who were not at all impressed to know she was a lesbian.  Of course, there were the usual intolerant Christians, sputtering off the usual religious judgements, making the normally cool Ellen look genuinely uncomfortable under the vitriol of their words.

But there was also a woman in the front row who took issue with the bold and unapologetic announcement of Ellen's sexual orientation--on the cover of Time magazine, no less, in unmistakable, large red letters. She was upset because she was challenged to address the questions her children asked when they saw the word gay and wondered what it meant.  "What am I supposed to tell them?" she asked, or something to that effect.  

I was stunned by this woman's lack of imagination (but, of course, this was 1997), in part because I couldn't believe she was as clueless as she made herself out to be.  Did she really have no idea what to tell her children, or would she rather have not been put in the position of telling them anything at all about gay people?  Did it never occur to her she could have said Ellen was a happy, lighthearted, and carefree person?  Even better, couldn't she have said that Ellen loves women, and left it at that?

To Ellen's credit, she said to the woman she should have told her children what being gay is, implying to keep it age appropriate, of course.  After all, what an opportunity the woman had to present gay people in a positive light and to leave her children with a positive attitude toward them.  But, frankly, I can't help but think all the woman had on her mind was what happens between two gay people in the bedroom, when those of us in the know realize how much more there is to it than that.

Happy Homecoming!

How beautiful is this?

Brian J. Clark, The Virginian-Pilot, The Associated Press

As reported in a number of newspapers yesterday, this photograph, taken Wednesday of this week, shows U.S. navy Petty Officer 2nd Class Marissa Gaeta kissing Petty Officer 3rd Class Citlalic Snell, her partner of two years.  Gaeta's ship had returned from eighty days at sea.

As MetroNews reports, "It is a time-honoured tradition at U.S. navy homecomings [that] one lucky sailor is chosen to be first off the ship for the long-awaited kiss with a loved one. Yesterday [Wednesday] in Virginia Beach, Va., for what is believed to be the first time, the happily reunited couple was gay [p. 08]."

This past September 20, the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy in the U.S. military came to an end. It's no accident the first "lucky sailor" chosen was a lesbian woman.  

I'm thrilled to add this to my Positive Images series.  How more positive an image can you get?

"Why Am I Here?" (Donna Smaldone)

Without question, Donna Smaldone, of The You Evolution, and I are on the same wavelength, when it comes to how we look at life in general and some of the subjects we write about on our respective blogs.

But, last week, I was impressed with a post Donna wrote that, in so few words, said so much. Not only that, but, as I read it, I knew I had to share her thoughts with you, because I think you'll appreciate them as I did.    

In her post titled "The Question that Does Not Discriminate," Donna doesn't shy away from writing about the key question at the core of all our lives:  Why am I here?  But, at the same time as she offers an answer (the answer?), she also goes deeper, providing insight and perspective, and touching on one of my favorite subjects (and one I write about from time to time myself)--that of self-worth.            

Donna's post had me wishing she'd written it for my blog;  I would have been only too happy to feature it alongside a guest post she wrote for me in late September called "You Were Born to Love."  But I'm just grateful she wrote it at all, because it confirms what I also know to be true, and what I believe all of us know in our hearts is true.      

I sincerely hope you'll take a look at "The Question that Does Not Discriminate" by clicking here.

(To read Donna's guest post for "This Gay Relationship," please click here.)

Thought for the Day, #44

Writer and activist, Ivan Coyote speaks in schools about bullying as it relates to lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender students (I wish I had that job).  

On December 9, the Vancouver School Board's second leadership conference for LGBT youth and their allies was held at Eric Hamber Secondary.  At that conference, Coyote is quoted as saying:

I am sick of moving people to tears with stories of casualties from the warfare we let our children wage on each other [at school]....  I'm sick of young dead boys becoming icons of public compassion.  I'm sick of Rick Mercer rants we share on Facebook with each other; meanwhile, we continue to allow our principals and school administrators to cater to the conservative and the religious right, and pretend our kids don't all pay the price for their apathy and cowardice.   

Amen, Ivan Coyote.  Amen!

(Quote is from "Dare to Stand Out draws more than 200," by Nathaniel Christopher, published in Xtra!, #478, dated December 15, 2011, p. 10)