Wednesday, January 4, 2012


Used by kind permission
Copyright by 
And so, after nearly three continuous years, I've decided to take a break from writing this blog.  This has not been an easy decision to make, but one that's been in the works for a while and one I believe is necessary.

I can't think of a better time than the beginning of a new year to assess what I've achieved with my blog, and to determine if I have anything further to offer on the same range of subjects, or if I need to go in a different direction.  Alternatively, maybe my blog has run its course.  I haven't figured that out yet.  

What I do know is I've put an enormous amount of time and effort into "This Gay Relationship," with the sincerest of intentions, and, for the most part, I'm pleased with what I've shared with you. I also know I want the experience of writing this blog for me, and the experience of reading it for you, to be valuable and worthwhile.  And I guess I wonder whether or not that continues to be the case.    

Who knows?  I could be back as early as tomorrow, if I figure out by then what I want to do with this platform, or if I'm suddenly inspired to keep doing what I've done to see where it takes us. On the other hand, it could be a while before I make an appearance again.  I guess time will tell.

Just because I'm taking a break doesn't mean I don't want to hear from you.  On the contrary.  If you read something in an existing post and wish to leave a comment, or if you'd like to send me an email (see Send Mail at the top on the righthand side), I hope you will.  I'd love to hear from you.  Even if I don't write anything new, I'm happy to support my work here, and to help with any question you may have or advice you may seek.    

In the meantime, there are 429 published posts for you to look at, going back to February 2009, on subjects ranging from how I came to terms with my homosexuality, to how Chris and my relationship works, to how to understand, accept, and love yourself (a subject near and dear to my heart, as it relates to all gay and lesbian people).  I hope you'll take this time to dig deeper into what is already here and find something that interests you.

As always, I'm grateful for your time and interest.  Far and away, 2011 was the best year ever for "This Gay Relationship," and I met some wonderful people through their generous comments, many of whom I consider friends. It also showed me what's required to keep energy going around a blog over an extended period, and how much time it really takes to do it well.  Before I recommit myself, I want to be certain my time (as well as yours) is well-spent.

Once again, thank you, and I look forward to reconnecting with you very soon.


  1. Hi Rick,
    I am startled by your announcement. I do think your blog has so much to offer and it is clear how much time you've invested in it. I suppose if Oprah can move on to another (ad)venture, you certainly can too. If the break is only temporary, I will look forward to reading future posts at a time when you are interested in continuing. Still, I do believe writing paths need to follow current flashes of inspiration and I do hope you are looking at other projects through which you can express your writing talent, your thoughts and your creativity.

    You have a lot here to be proud of, but more importantly, you have accomplished a great deal in your personal life.

  2. RG, you are very sweet with your kind words, and, believe me, I appreciate them.

    Toward the end of 2011, I began to feel like I had to write new posts, not that I wanted to, and my blog became work. For a long time, there was great joy in writing it and believing I could actually make a difference. There's still some of that, but not enough to continue at this time.

    I found there were lots of times I'd look at my computer screen, with every intention of writing something, and nothing came to me. I spent many frustrating hours trying to generate ideas and felt utterly uninspired. When I did come up with something, I often felt it wasn't good enough for my readers. Perhaps that's my insecurity talking.

    I think I'm a little burned out, and I believe the right thing to do is to take a step back and to reassess what I want to do with my blog and where I want to take it.

    In the meantime, in and around writing my blog, I've almost completed the first VERY rough draft of a novel that I think has a lot of potential. I have no intention of giving up writing because, even though I often find writing one of the most difficult and frustrating things to do, I truly love it (does that make sense?), and I can't imagine not doing it. So, while I devote more time and energy to my novel, I'll keep my blog in the back of my mind and see what happens.

    I'm so grateful for what you said my blog has to offer and your kind words about my writing ability. They mean more to me than you realize.

    (By the way, I haven't abandoned your blog. I've read all your recent posts and will return with comments. Keep up the great work. You should be very proud of your accomplishment, too.)

  3. Hey Rick, sorry to see that you're taking a break, but certainly understand...sometimes taking those steps back to evaluate are completely necessary. And cool about your novel, I certainly hope you'll keep us posted!

    Good luck on the next stage of your journey!

  4. So good to hear from you, Sarah, and many thanks for your support and encouragement. I appreciate it.

    I hope to be back here very soon, but I'm thrilled to have more time to spend on my novel. Had a decent writing session today and can't believe I've progressed as far as I have overall. I can hardly wait to see how it turns out with more of my focused attention on it.

    Thanks for your good wishes, and I promise to stay in touch.

  5. I completely understand your reasoning behind stepping back. When it feels like you're only writing because of an obligation to other people, it causes the blog to suffer. Whatever your inspiration manifests itself as next, though, I hope to read it soon.

  6. Ben, I don't know if I felt obligated to write my blog for other people as much as I enjoyed interacting with readers, who took the time to write a comment.

    Chris and I don't have a large number of friends, so, to some degree, the people I met here and corresponded with became friends. I miss that part for sure, and that's why the decision to put my blog on hold for the time being was a difficult one.

    At any rate, I appreciate knowing you're still interested in what I have to say, and to know you'll be back if and when I return.

    Thanks for your comment. I appreciate it.

  7. Thanks, JustAMike. I appreciate your kindness.

  8. Pardon me, but I think the "Send Mail." link might be broken or something

  9. Anonymous, thanks for letting me know about the problem you're having with the Send Mail link.
    I've just used it three times to send emails to myself, and I received all of them.
    If you're still interested in getting in touch with me, please try again. And, if you encounter the same problem, please let me know what the error message is that you receive. I may be able to help you.
    Thanks for your interest in my blog. I appreciate hearing from you.

  10. Best Wishes. I have started my own blog too. I am a fledgling blogger but any insight is appreciated!

  11. Thanks for your interest in my blog, Scott.

    I've read your first three posts, and it looks like you're trying to work through something big in your life. Many people use their blogs as an online journal, especially if they're trying to sort out things that don't make sense to them. I've always believed writing about anything and everything provides clarity. I'm sure you'll find that will be the case for you as well.

    As far as blogging advice, well, a little over three years ago, I didn't know what my blog should be about. But I started one, and I kept writing. I encourage you to do the same. If you stick with it, you'll likely find some of the answers you need regarding your relationship, and you may realize–particularly when you begin to hear from readers who appreciate your voice and the clarity your words bring them–that you have a wonderful opportunity to help other people (which is really why we're all here, anyway).

    Knowing you have the attention of people literally from all over the world is a heady experience, and one that I believe comes with responsibility. It's a thrill to speak your mind and to know you give voice to many like you who haven't yet discovered their own voices, or who don't have the courage to use them. Over time, you'll find your voice, it will become clearer, and you'll be more confident expressing it.

    In the meantime, I wish you every success in blogging. It's one of the best experiences I've ever had and well worth the time I put into it. I'm sure you'll discover that, too.

    And I also wish you every success in your relationship. It sounds like you have some considerable challenges ahead. If you haven't already, take a look at some of the four-hundred-plus posts I've written here, particularly those related to loving ourselves as gay people. As I've written many times, I believe loving ourselves is the single greatest challenge facing all of us (I'm told straight people as well as gay).

    When you get to that place of truly recognizing your own self-worth, and believing how valuable you are as a human being, some of the choices you have to make will become clearer and easier. Love's a funny thing. Don't allow yourself to become anyone's doormat. You truly deserve the best.

    Keep in touch. I'd love to hear how things are going for you.

    All the best, and thanks for taking the time to leave a comment.