Saturday, August 17, 2013

You Don't Have the Right

The other day, I checked out some of the most recent search keywords readers used to find my blog, and I saw these:

Gay and giving up on love.

They took my breath away and broke my heart, in part, because there's one reason, and one reason only, why all of us are here–and that is to love.  And to be loved.  (There really isn't anything else, of importance, anyway.)  In part, because I can't imagine things being so bad in anyone's life that he would give up thinking he'll ever experience love.  And, in part, because I've been in love with my partner for the past twenty-one years, and I know for a fact love is out there–and real and possible and amazing.  

True, love is not always the easiest thing to find, and there are all sorts of things people call love that aren't.  But, rest assured, it exists.  And many of us, gay and otherwise, know what it is, and know our lives have been transformed by it.      

Of course, I can't pass up the opportunity to repeat, once again, that the person you most need love from…is you.  That is the starting point for every other experience of love you'll ever have, plain and simple.  I believe with all my heart that, until you get that message, and until you make it happen, real and true love will elude you.  That's nothing more than a law of the universe: what you put out there is what you get back.  And what you put out there, when you love yourself, is love.  The love you have for yourself is what attracts other people to you, is what invites love back into your life.    

I think it's possible to experience what you think is love from another person before you love yourself, but it's not at all the same experience of love you'd have if you loved yourself first.  Does that make sense?  The reason why is because the love you have for yourself first is the example of the love you want from someone else.  Lots of people think the love they get from someone else is real and true, but it often isn't.  It's needy.  It's clingy.  It's dependent.  From the outset, it doesn't feel right.  Something is off about it.  It makes you feel suspicious of the other person, distrustful of the other person, it doesn't make you believe, deep down inside, that what that other person feels toward you is really love.  That's because it probably isn't.  

If you don't love yourself first, you send out the message that you don't believe you're worthy of love.  You intellectualize that you are, but, in your heart, you know differently.  Your heart sees through the surface, knows the truth of what you believe, and that is reflected in everything you do.  You may not think it is, but it is.  If you're not putting out love, then what are you putting out?  Whatever it is, that's what people see and feel.  That's what either attracts them to you or repels them from you.  Think about that.  What does your energy tell other people about you, about how you feel about yourself?  Is that the message you want them to get?  Or is there another message, a better message, one that will bring you what you most want in your life? 

Every single one of us has the opportunity to experience love.  It's like what Glenda the Good Witch in The Wizard of Oz tells Dorothy:  "You had it all along."  Yes, each of us always has the capacity to love ourselves at any time.  That love isn't dependent on anyone or anything else. It's always there; it will always be there, ready for you to know it and accept it and feel it.  But, first, you must make up your mind that you are the most important person in your life.  And you, above all, have the capability to give yourself what you most want from someone else, what you think can only come from someone else.  

There is no reason why each of us doesn't feel the fulness of love, even if no one in our lives tells us he loves us (which can be empty words, anyway).  To say that you're giving up on love tells me you're giving up on yourself.  And you don't have the right to do that.  You are too important and too precious and too valuable, to this earth, to the people you hold most dear, to the purpose for which you were put here, to give up on yourself.  And to think you will never know love, to feel there is no one out there to love you, and even to believe you are unlovable.  You couldn't be more wrong.  

Open yourself up to love today.  Start with yourself.  Don't just say it, do it.  Take the necessary steps.  Begin to believe how worthy you really are.  I ask only that of you.  It will be the most important thing you ever do.    

Remember, giving up on love is giving up on yourself.  And you don't have the right to do that.  

You and me?  We are love.  That's all.                      

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