Friends of John

 

I’ve never done this before, and I don’t know if it’ll work. I’m hopeful. I guess we'll see.

 

Nine years ago, I “met” a gay Middle Eastern young man, who I’ll call John, when he was twenty-one and read something on this blog. He responded by sending an article written by a young man very much like himself, who’d escaped their homeland and emigrated to a Scandinavian country. The article shook him, and it shook me. The escape was harrowing, as was what the writer of the article wrote about adjusting to life in a foreign country. My heart went out to John, the realities of what being gay must be like for him, and what his future might look like. 

Over the next six and a half years, John and I corresponded, off and on, through responses to blog posts I published here and via emails. His English was not good. In fact, sometimes he was difficult to understand, and I’m sure I was difficult to understand too when my emails to him often ran several pages long. Sometimes, I didn’t hear from him for months. One time, I didn’t hear from him for two and a half years, while he completed mandatory military training. Then I did, and I was thrilled. I was thrilled there was something in my ongoing blog posts and in our past correspondences that compelled him to stay in touch, even after long periods. And I was equally thrilled to know he was okay. His situation hadn’t improved—he was still gay, obviously, and he still lived in his country—but for now, he was healthy and doing well. 

Two and a half years ago, we started videoconferencing. If I was thrilled John had stayed in touch over the years, I was over the moon to finally meet him, to see what he looked like. I was stunned by how handsome he was (he reminds me of Omar Sharif Jr.)—his black hair, his brown skin, and a smile like, well, like a movie star’s. I didn’t know what to expect. His English was still rough, and I had some difficulty understanding everything he said. (Later, I’d learn that, for the first six months we videoconferenced, he programmed what I said to appear on his screen.) But we persisted. I spoke slower, and he worked harder on learning English. In the last year, he took a specialized English course and aced it. Today, we have no difficulty understanding each other. I would even say his English is outstanding. 

Why am I telling you all this? 

Because, to me, John is a very special young man. He’s thirty-one, and, remarkably, given his circumstances, he accepts his orientation; he knows there’s nothing wrong with him, and that being gay is just another part of who he is. 

I feel close to John, more so than just friends. Double his age, I could be his father. In many respects, I feel like I am. 

We talk about everything, but especially those things he could never tell his family. We talk about his experiences being gay, and we talk about mine. We talk about the men we’ve been with, including the sex parts. We talk about a young man he’s been interested in for years—who isn’t gay. We talk about the constant pressure his family puts him under to get married and have children (in other words, to prove to them and everyone he’s “normal.”). We talk about how much love he has to give, and how much he wants to be in love. 

I’ve never met anyone like John. He’s sweet, clever, sensitive, thoughtful, and funny as hell. We’ve cried together, and we’ve laughed our faces off together. Oh, how we’ve laughed. 

He loves the outdoors, and poetry, and art, and storytelling, and music, and his family, and his country. Despite the fact he could face severe consequences if it were found out he’s gay, including execution, his country is his home, and, for now, he's chosen to stay there. For this reason, I find him courageous and strong beyond words, beyond anything I had to go through growing up gay and coming of age in the 1970s. And, as his father on the other side of the world, I want all good things for John, because he deserves them. 

This is where you come in. 

Understandably, it’s very difficult for John to meet other gay men in his country, people he can befriend, share with, and trust. Thus, if anything I wrote here resonates with you (or someone you know); if you are male and gay; if you are around John’s age; if you can speak and write English (a must); if you are open to meeting someone online and seeing what happens in terms of pursuing a friendship, send an email at the  link below. Tell me, tell John, why you believe you could be good friends, even if that friendship can only take place over social media. Tell us a little about yourself, what about my profile of John appeals to you, what you’d like out of a potential friendship with him. 

Oh, and by the way, this is sincere, so you be sincere. I really am looking to help introduce John to other amazing young gay men like him, no matter where in the world. Nine years ago, I met John through my blog, and our friendship today is one of the most precious things in my life. Maybe lightning can strike twice.

Good people really can meet good people online. I’m counting on that happening for John again.

 

Here's the email link: friendsofjohn@outlook.com