Reaching Out for Help in Indonesia

This morning, I received this comment from a young man in Indonesia.  It was attached to the "Karofsky" post.  While that post continues to receive a lot of traffic, I did not want this comment, or my response, to be lost to other readers of my blog.  I know someone else will read this and know he or she is not alone. And, hopefully, my response, as well as anything you wish to add, dear readers, will help those in distress, especially in other countries, where there is less acceptance for anyone who is LGBT.  Together, we truly can help each other.


Anonymous said...

First of all, I'm sorry for being an Anonymous on this comment.

Well, I'm a 22yo gay dude. I am an Indonesian. And from where I come from, being gay is totally 'wrong'. I can't find a better word to describe it, but the point is living a gay life here is like living a hell of a life.

Kurt Hummel and David Karofsky of Glee remind me of the time when I for the first time realized that there's something different with me. I felt in love with my classmate, but I just couldn't tell him because it was 'wrong'. Then I begun to push people away because I was too afraid to let them know about my sexuality.

I made a confession once in my church, and I didn't get better. People were keep bad-mouthing gay people 'this' and 'that'.

I come from a big family where all of them expect 'a lot' from me. They want me to be a bigger man in our family, the one who be the pride. I just can't tear them down by coming out of the closet. Especially after my beloved Dad died several months ago.

I never had a relationship before, so I don't know about how it feels like. Honestly, I need someone to lean to. To share my feelings, my joys, and my tears as well. I am young but I am lonely. Slowly but sure, suicide is getting closer to me. I know it's a 'wrong' thing to do too, but do I have any choices here?

I talked to the priest, someone that I thought was wise enough to give me some courage to keep struggling, and he gave me a greater sense of guilt. I talked to my friends and they gave nothing but 'Go to the hell, dude." words. I tried to talked to my family, and they wanted to find my future wife based on their taste instead. What else I could do? Where else I could run into?

I am just hoping that my society will be more open-hearted to the LGBT people. It's getting harder, you know, since the idea of banning same-sex relationship was brought to the public several days ago.

Here is my response:

Anonymous, thank you so much for your interest in my blog, and for having the courage to leave such a wonderful comment. I am so grateful for that.

First and foremost, I must tell you that you absolutely CANNOT consider suicide as an answer to what you are going through. Let me repeat that: YOU CANNOT CONSIDER SUICIDE AS AN ANSWER. You cannot. I hope that message has gotten through to you loud and clear. No matter how bad it gets, you must not commit suicide. 

I want you to take a look at the following links:

It Gets Better

Make It Better

Both of these websites are filled with life affirming videos for every LGBT person. You will find thousands of videos from people just like you who made the choice to live, despite what they went through.  Their stories will break your heart, but they will also inspire you. These are two of the BEST resources I know of on the Internet to help wonderful, loving people just like you. Promise me you'll take a look. 

Above all, I want you to know YOU ARE NOT ALONE. You may think you are, but you are not. I understand the situation you're in, because my own situation years ago was probably much like yours today. I understand your isolation, your loneliness, the feeling no one understands you. But we all do. Anyone who is LGBT understands you. And, if we can get through it, you can, too. I hung in there, despite all the bullying I took, all the hopelessness I felt, and my life is spectacular, in part, because I get to hear from people just like you, and I have the opportunity to share what I've learned.

Since January of this year, I've written about twenty posts intended to help gay people like you to recognize how they've allowed themselves to believe all the negative things said about gay people; to realize how our worth has been destroyed; and to learn how to begin loving themselves again. I strongly recommend you read some or all of these posts (as well as the attached comments). I know you will feel better if you do.

Finally, I know you'd like to turn to your church during this difficult time, but you must know you will not get the support there that you need. Instead, please use the Internet as a lifeline. There are so many LGBT people reaching out to you at this very moment, through their blogs, stories, and videos.

And please return to my blog often. It is my goal to help LGBT people to love themselves. I pray you will take that journey with us. 

Please keep writing me. I will help any way I can.

Remember, IT DOES GET BETTER. Hang in there.  


Postscript:


I have one more thing to add.  I know you may not understand this, given the situation you're in, but I want you to give it some thought.


Gay or straight, most people don't have the ability to change their environment. What goes on around them is often out of their control.  So they have to live with it, whether they like it or not.    


So it is for you.  


The only control you really have, if you choose to take it back, is how you feel about yourself.  Yes, the world around you influences that, especially now when you are young, when your family and your church tell you what you must be, and when you believe you must please everyone instead of yourself. But they do not have to control your mind.  


It takes a strong person to love himself in the face of an intolerable life.  You must have an enormous amount of determination not to allow other people's expectations of you to erode your sense of self-worth, to compromise what you know to be true about you.  But you can do it.


And you do it by knowing in your heart, despite everything else, that you are a wonderful human being and a cherished child of God.  God loves you just as you are, make no mistake about that.  In His eyes, you are perfect.  In His eyes, you deserve to love yourself.  Now, you must believe that, too.


Even in the most horrific of circumstances, as many human beings have proven over the centuries, you can love yourself.  You can believe in yourself.  You can believe in the promise of your future.  


Everything looks dismal now, but, if you begin to work on improving your self-esteem, on learning to love yourself, you will gain strength, either to follow through with what your family wants you to do (if that is the path you must take), or to strike out on your own and live the life that was meant to be yours.