Thursday, November 10, 2011

How Would My Life Be Different Without Homophobia?

Last week, asked the question, "How would your life be different if homophobia did not exist?"

I gave some thought to that and captured a number of points, in no particular order:
  1. I wouldn't have been bullied in school. 
  2. I wouldn't have been embarrassed to attend classes like chorus, drama, and typing. 
  3. I assume I would have been better liked and had more friends.    
  4. I wouldn't have felt so different, alone, and isolated.
  5. I wouldn't have been embarrassed to be so athletically inept in physical education class.
  6. I wouldn't have had such a problem with my masculine identity.
  7. I wouldn't be estranged from organized religion and the Catholic church.    
  8. My father might have loved me instead of keeping me at arm's length.    
  9. I wouldn't have held myself back from choosing a career typical of gay men. 
  10. I wouldn't have been consumed with self-loathing through a large part of my life.    
  11. I wouldn't be suspicious sometimes of why people are nice to me.   
  12. I probably would have found a partner earlier than the age of 32.  
  13. My writing wouldn't be primarily about issues facing gay people.
  14. I wouldn't be fearful when I cross paths with a group of male youths.
  15. I wouldn't be constantly looking over my shoulder.
  16. I wouldn't have to be self-conscious about my effeminate mannerisms and characteristics.
  17. I wouldn't have to downplay who I am whenever I'm in public.
  18. I wouldn't have to be so conscious of wearing clothing more typical of men.  
  19. I wouldn't be embarrassed about my ability to interior decorate.      
  20. I wouldn't have to feel embarrassed to look at and admire attractive men.
  21. I wouldn't have to be worried about being gay bashed even in the gay ghetto of Vancouver.
  22. I wouldn't have had to worry about being held back in anything I wanted to do.
  23. I would have been able to be me without giving myself permission to do that.  
  24. I wouldn't have been subjected to people calling me a faggot in public.      
  25. Organized religion wouldn't have told me I'm evil, immoral, and destined to hell. 
  26. I wouldn't have had to risk coming out and potentially lose those who are important to me.   
  27. I would not have been so aware of being different from other boys.
  28. I would not feel invisible in the community where I live (which has few obvious gay people).
  29. I would be perfectly happy with who I am and never wish that I was straight.
  30. I wouldn't blame myself or being gay when things change or go wrong.  
For better or worse, I am who I am today because I'm gay and because of homophobia.  I will never know who I would have been otherwise.  I guess I've always assumed life would be easier if I were straight, but do I know that for sure?  I only assume that's the case because we live in a world that takes the automatic position everyone is heterosexual, and because being oneself as a heterosexual appears to be so much easier and accepted.  

The other thought that comes readily to mind is, what would occupy much of my thinking today, and what would I write about, if I'd never been subjected to homophobia?  There again, I have to assume I would have encountered other life challenges, in the way most heterosexual people do, and I'd be thinking, and perhaps writing, about them, in the same way many heterosexual writers take on issues close to them and create entire bodies of work around them.    

But one thing is for sure:  This blog would not exist if there were no homophobia.  My time and effort would not go toward elevating the experience of being gay by sharing my life experience and knowledge, in the hope of helping others understand, accept, and love themselves.  Would that be good or bad?  Of course, in many ways, it would be good.  But, in others, it would mean I wouldn't connect with so many amazing people from around the world through their thoughtful and heartfelt comments.


Share with me how you think your life would be different without homophobia.   


  1. If homophobia did not exist,, I wouldn't cry in almost every prayer that I prayed.. Feel so wasted,, hopeless,, and feel sinful.. Unlike most of my friends who could happily smile while praying, I tended to cry while I'm doing it.. It does feel weary and I feel like carrying heavy burdens too..

    I'm not a saint and I'm not such a faithful person to begin with too.. But,, since I was kid,, my parents and my teachers have taught me a lot about the loving God Al-Mighty.. They've taught me about praying to HIM and how it could help me in overcoming my bad and hard times.. And God is all I have,, seriously.. I do believe that God loves me just the way I am.. And I feel so blessed with most aspects in my life..

    But it's hard to believe that some people interpret God in another ways.. They say that God hates gay people.. They say that God curses gay people to hell.. And so on.. (I do believe that like parents' love to their naughty kids,, God's love upon gay people is just in the same amount with str8 people..) But in the end,, all of their sayings consumed me and made me feel so sinful..

    All that I'm saying is that I think it would be very very very nice if homophobia did not exist.. I could join the church's choir without having to hide myself.. I could participate in the local church's youth division without having to act 'normal'.. And so on..

    PS: I'm sorry if this comment possibly offends you and your reader.. I get it if you may want to reject this.. I'm just trying to express my feeling.. And sorry for the bad grammar too.. ^_^

  2. Aries Boy, as always, you have no reason to apologize for anything you write here. I'm happy to give you the opportunity to put into words what you feel, to say what's in your heart.

    Unless you're totally disrespectful in your comment, there's no chance I'd reject it. I want you to feel free to write what you have to. This is the place to say what you can't elsewhere, and to feel validated for doing it.

    I don't want to go into a long explanation about how God loves you just the way you are, and how people have screwed up God's word and what He most wants for us. I'm certain you already know all that.

    But I do want to encourage you with all my heart to participate fully in your life. Never hold yourself back because you're scared to be around people, or because they might suspect you're gay. It's not worth it.

    Just focus on learning to love yourself, which I've written so much about here. Honestly, if you did love yourself, it wouldn't matter what other people think about you, or whether they judge you.

    Recently, I read that, before we can love ourselves, we have to like ourselves. I think if you focus on all the many reasons why you should like yourself, you'd discover being gay is just a tiny part of who you are.

    Please stop your tears. I know crying is an automatic reaction to the bad things going on in your life, but tears won't make you feel better--they may make you feel worse. You have nothing to cry about. Really.

    Remember, you can't change how the world, and people around you, feel about those who are gay. But you can change how you feel about yourself, and how you feel about those who don't like gay people.

    If I were there with you right now, I'd give you a big hug. I'd put my arms around you, and I'd tell you everything is going to be fine, because it will be. Give it time. You'll see.

    Thanks so much for your wonderful comment. I sincerely appreciate you sharing it with me. (And my apologies for taking so long to respond.) I sincerely hope I've said something here that helps you.