Tuesday, March 16, 2010


When you are a gay man, and you look into your partner's face, you see yourself.  Only when you accept and love yourself, sexual orientation and all, will you allow yourself to accept and love that other man, and open your heart fully to him.  


  1. When you are a wife, and you look into your husband's face, you see yourself. Only when you love and accept yourself, with all your flaws, will you allow yourself to accept and love that man, and open your heart fully to him.

  2. Very clever, Wendy. I kind of thought you might see the application in what I wrote to straight couples.
    Still, is it exactly the same? The first line, as I meant it, has to do with a man looking into another man's face. The issue is realizing you are in love with another man, which is still not fully accepted in our culture. Because of that, you might not like what you see or what you realize, and you might let that affect how you feel about that man. That's the crux of what I think is often the problem for many gay men that prevents them from finding and accepting the love from another human being that they want most.
    Something to think about.
    Thanks for your comment. I appreciate it.

  3. Okay, I gotta come out with it: I got mushy over the post. (hem-ahem)

    Two things:
    1- I think the best way to write novels is not by reading a whole lot of books about how to write novels, but instead, reading a lot of fiction! That's where, unconsciously, the processes bleed into your own creativity and with time, something new shapes up. I think that's what works best for me, be it while writing fiction or poetry. And I've never picked up a book on how to write anyway! (Just wanted to share this with you a possible alternate way to look at things.)

    2- I've only started following your blog a few months ago. So I don't know what you posted earlier, but, if I may, I would LOVE to hear more about "this gay relationship" and your thoughts, experiences etc. on gay relationships: yours, that of others, how relationships evolve and change across generations etc. Something along the lines of this post.

    I like this post. Thanks for sharing it!

  4. Thanks for your comment, Kama, and your ongoing interest in my blog. I appreciate your reaction to this post, which I questioned whether I should even publish. Thanks for confirming I had something worth saying (as Canwdn did as well with her take on it).
    Your suggestion to learn how to write fiction by reading fiction couldn't be more on the mark. You are absolutely right, you can't write fiction unless you read fiction, and I do a lot of that. But if you want to learn some of the technical aspects of writing fiction that aren't so obvious when they're embedded in novels, books about novel writing are great. They break the process down into manageable, bite-sized chunks, and they also reveal tricks of the trade, making the writing of a novel feel less daunting (which I could use right now). So books about writing have their place, too.
    Regarding your comment that you'd love to read more pieces directly related to "This Gay Relationship," yes, I plan to write more on that subject in the future. It's near and dear to me, and the original reason why I started writing this blog in the first place.
    I realize the focus of what I write moves away from that from time to time, and I need to get back to it. But the way I look at it, everything I write is within the context of my gay relationship. There isn't a part of me or my life that isn't affected by it, because I'm in one and have been for almost eighteen years. My gay relationship can't help but be a large part of my life in all the important areas.
    In the meantime, you mention that your relatively new to my blog. Over the past thirteen months, I've written a lot of material about my gay relationship, some of it specifically under that heading, and some of it under the heading of being gay. Anything directly related to being gay is located under these two Labels, where I've written a total of 119 posts. I encourage you to take a look under them, which are located just above my profile to the right. I'm sure you'll find a lot of what you're looking for there.
    Again, my sincere thanks for your comment. I know you speak for other people too, so I appreciate what you said.

  5. Oh and Rick, I just realized: I posted an article on my very humble blog a couple of days ago, and it's called "Ole: On Hitting the Wall and Nurturing Creativity." The article may or may not appeal to you, but I link it to a talk by Elizabeth Gilbert on nurturing creativity. You may interested in watching the video-- it's on the blog.

  6. Thanks, Kama. I’m a big fan of Elizabeth Gilbert, having read both “Eat, Pray, Love” and “Committed.” I will absolutely check it out, while I check out more of your blog too.
    Just another word about writing. I was taught, and fully believe, that the only way to learn how to write...is by writing (I believe John Gardner said that).
    Thanks again.