So I spoke with a straight male friend yesterday, someone I've known since the early 1990s, and he told me his marriage of twenty-four years ended last November. This came as news to me. I was surprised, and yet I wasn't surprised. I'd seen this one coming for a while. It's clear to me why my friend's marriage ended.
So, to the list of the thirteen reasons why I believe Chris's and my relationship lasted as long as it has (click here to read about them in detail), I need to add an additional item: Never take each other for granted. Never take your relationship for granted. Never assume tomorrow will always look like today, because, believe me, it won't.
I can't be more truthful or heartfelt about this: Every single day Chris returns home safely from work, I'm grateful. Every single day Chris and I enjoy dinner and the evening together, I'm grateful. Every single weekend Chris and I spend together and create new memories, even of the simplest, smallest kind, I'm grateful. For every single laugh I share with that man, every single embrace, every kiss, every glance of compassion, caring, and love, I am grateful.
Every single night, I include in my prayers words of gratitude for my relationship with Chris. Because you know what? One day, that relationship will no longer be. I know it. It makes me crazy to know it. Whenever two people are involved, it's inevitable something will happen to one or the other of them, sooner or later (secretly, I hope we both go together, but who can guarantee that?). More likely, one day, one of us will be without the other, whether one leaves or dies. It's a fact of life. All good things must come to an end, even a committed, loving, enduring relationship.
And the scary thing is, it can happen at any time. Any time at all. As Donald Trump said recently, "Life is fragile, so fragile," and no truer words were spoken. Here today, gone tomorrow.
Tomorrow is not the time to think about what you could have done differently--if the choice was even up to you--to keep your relationship going. All you have--all any of us has--is today. In fact, all any of us has is this moment, the very moment we find ourselves in right now. Now is when we must say what must be said; do what must be done; feel what must be felt.
Because, if we wait until tomorrow...well, you know tomorrow may never come, right?
Wow, beautiful post. Made me think - K and I have been together almsot three years, married almost one, and we are both working hard to not take it or each other for granted, which is tough with busy new jobs, lots of work travel, new house stress, etc, etc. You have the right focus for sure!
ReplyDeleteThanks for stopping by, Brahm, and for leaving such a great comment.
ReplyDeleteHere's how I look at it. Sure, lots of things compete for our attention in our full and busy lives and relationships. But, by God, the only real priority in my life is Chris, not only for the reasons stated here, but because I love that man with all my heart. Of that I'm one hundred percent sure.
When you feel that way about the person you spend your life with, it's pretty easy to know what to do in all instances.
Thanks again.
Taking life for granted. Is it a way to fight against the uncertainties of life? Making something certain (that my loved ones will be with me till the end of times) and giving humans the reason for wanting more and more. Hence, is it a catalyst for us humans: wanting more chocolate, more love, more money, more success, is it the reason why we are working at all? Because we are taught at school that you always need to be the best. Even though it will sometimes take us steps back, because life has it ways of giving what you have to get not what you would like to get and setbacks can truly harm our self-esteem. Even though what you get, is what you need, even if it is painful
ReplyDeleteAt the end of some days I feel so lucky that I am alive. A simplest incident can make it my end. And there are days I feel like it is dreadful that I have to get up in the morning. These are times when I let painful incidents effect my soul because I desire... for example, a greater brain. These are times when i forget that my mind works in a slow way, I just enjoy making a great picture for a long time and when I achieve something truly grand (even if it is a simple task for others) in my own way, in my slow way, I love the energy that comes out of it.
It is said that one should enjoy the process and not just the end result. And i feel that enjoying these moments when I am doing something I love, having a nice sunday with the people I care about, it makes me enjoy being a human.
Further on, this joy brings me to a conclusion that I have found a soulmate, a person I'd like to spend the rest of my life together. It is me. I want to love myself. Because being human gives inspiration and energy for loving life as it is. No need for coffee when life is so enjoyable that it makes one wake up in every situation. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6UfPqphirC8&feature=player_embedded)
PS! I truly enjoy this community here! Every time I post a comment I feel that I have done something great. Like I have given my voice wings with what it can fly far and effect another human beings. Thank you!
Hey Rick, what a great reminder! I think also, sometimes people get caught up with what tbey are doing, and become angry about not being appreciated, when they themselves are not appreciating their own partner (like the spouse who complains that the husband never thanks them for all the housework they do, but never thinks to say "thanks for going to work every day, honey, and earning money!") You have such good reminders in your blog! And I love the pictures of Chris and the snow, and seeing ElevenCats stop by, this is such a cool little blog community!
ReplyDelete@elevencats: Wonderful to hear from you again.
ReplyDeleteThanks for your insights about life and taking it for granted. I especially appreciate the last few sentences in your first paragraph. I couldn't agree more with what you said.
When you talk about your mind being slower than you would like, I can't help but think if you changed how you look at it--that is, if you told yourself your mind works faster than you expect it to--you'd find that would be the case. It's all about the energy you put out there, right? If the energy is negative, that's what you get back; if the energy is positive, you get that back, too. I think so anyway.
I love the first line in your third paragraph. We have a similar expression: It's not the destination, it's the journey. Again, I couldn't agree more.
Your fourth paragraph is beautiful. I love the idea your soulmate--the one you most want to spend your life with--is you, because of the love you have for who you are. That's wonderful. That's the perfect way to be when you have the opportunity to enter into a relationship with someone else. Then you will be a whole person, and you'll never let anyone treat you badly. Anyone who respects and loves himself first won't allow someone else to use or hurt him. It's the truth.
I have news for you. Every time you post a comment here, elevencats, you do something great. I really mean that. I love hearing from you, keeping in touch with you, and I know my readers do, too. Plus, for a young man, you are so smart with the things you say. Yes, your insights will be helpful to others. That's what life is all about--helping others. And I thank you for that.
@Sarah: Appreciation between people in a relationship is key. What I've learned is, if you want something from your partner, give it to him first. It worked when I was a manager too. If I was looking for a certain type of behavior from those I supervised, I gave it to them first--such as appreciation. It always made a big difference. So don't feel sorry for yourself, right? Give what you want, not with the expectation of getting it back. Give it because you genuinely want to. Then watch what happens. You'll be so surprised.
I think this is a cool place to be, too. But it's only cool because people like you stop by and leave comments. I know lots of other people stop by but don't leave comments. I wish they would. I'd love to hear from them too, so this community was enriched by their contributions as well. Perhaps one day, some of them will feel comfortable enough to share.
As always, I'm grateful to both of you, elevencats and Sarah, for your interest in what I have to say, and for taking the time to leave comments. No doubt about it, you make a difference to this blog.
Thanks for creating and guiding this amazing platform, Rick! It always makes me happy when I open the page and find a new post, and then to see the comments from other people...I wonder what the term is for people who connect on a blog, but have never met? Like pen pals, or something :)
ReplyDeleteAll I can say, Sarah, is you are welcome. I'm thrilled my blog's taken this direction, in terms of the content as well as the readers it's attracted, such as you. Your kindness and interest really make a difference for me, too.
ReplyDeleteAnd about what we should call ourselves? How about blog pals. Did I just coin a new term? I doubt it, but maybe.
Thanks again.