Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Moral Choices

Some people say homosexuality is immoral.  End of story.  I disagree.  The stereotypical gay lifestyle is what's immoral.

I am what I am.  In the same way I could no more change being right-handed to left-handed, or white to black, I can't change being gay to straight.  Born gay or raised gay--who cares?  I am gay.  I have a responsibility to myself to make the most of it, and that's exactly what I intend to do.  

I'm as entitled as any straight person to experience love, to live my life with the person I love, and to grow old and crotchety together.  That's not a straight or gay right--that's a human right.  And no one has the right to take that away from me.    

As gay people, we have choices.  Among them is the choice to live our lives in a way that's morally upstanding.  Thus, we have the choice to be promiscuous, as many gay men are, or to seek a partner, settle down, and build a life together.

Is my intention to make homosexuality more socially acceptable by suggesting we adopt the heterosexual ideal of monogamy?  Sure.  What's wrong with that? How can any of us think sleeping around is as beneficial to our gay culture, to our reputation, and to our spirit, as settling down?

Young gay people have choices, and I urge them to make the right ones.  Giving in to the impulse to be promiscuous as you expand into the gay community is not only the easy route, it's been done before, countless times.  Millions of times. Believe me.

You can do better than that.  Respect yourself enough not to be used sexually. Even though you think you're getting something out of every time you sleep with someone, make no mistake, you aren't.  You're only being used.  

Promiscuity in the gay community is rooted in low self-esteem.  When you believe you have nothing to offer anyone but sex, you give it away willingly, and you lose yourself in the process.  No one ever learned to love himself by having sex with every cute face or hot body.    

That can only be done by making the tough choices, by choosing to live up to a high personal standard, and by believing you're worth so much more than one-night stands.


  1. I don't know. For the most part I agree with you, but at the same time I know that I'm not ready to settle down yet I do need that kind of release. I think the thing is making sure that one-night stands are the exception rather than the rule.

  2. Fair enough, Strange Boy. I understand. But at least I got my idea out there, and at least you've given it some thought. That's all I ask. Each person has to decide for himself what's right and what's wrong.

    Honestly, I'm no stranger to one-night stands. It's pretty hard to be a gay male and not have them because that seems to be the prevalent way gay men relate to each other.

    But I kept them to a minimum. I engaged in them only if I thought something more might develop between me and the other fellow. Did I feel used after they happened and he left? You bet. Didn't help my self-esteem at all.

    More often than not, I didn't do what the other guy requested. This was when a lot about HIV and AIDS was unknown, and I wasn't willing to engage in any risky behavior, period. Also, I was raised to believe sex was shared between adults who love each other. I'm old-fashioned; I still believe that.

    That said, I enjoyed some intimate and non-sexual encounters that satisfied whatever craving I had to be physically close to someone (an impulse common to all of us). Most times, that's all I really needed.

    Thanks for your comment and your feedback. I appreciate your interest and your honesty.

  3. The best way to conquer a balanced life has always been the more difficult option - it has lots of stones on the road. Temptation is always knocking at our doors.Generally it comes to us by the illusion of great looks and hot bodies.Frequently there are just the bodies! The secret is to resist. But this peculiar resistence is not a matter of moral or a matter of religious rules - it belongs to a matter of self-esteem. Sex is very good. Everybody knows it. But sex without a proposal except sex is just a synonym of masturbation. We are free to choose our best way: monogamy or a man by day without knowing his name sometimes. If we know that mind and soul come first than voluptuos bodies without brains and that the nature is uncontrolable, because it is not possible to stop our aging or death, better say:"SEEK A PARTNER, SETTLE DOWN, BUILT A LIFE TOGETHER" and never look back! LOOKING FOR MR. GOODBAR has no future! Antonio Augusto

  4. Wow! A.A., you have said a mouthful. Of course, I love your point of view. And, of course, you're right.

    Long before I came out or was sexual, I always believed the "gay lifestyle" was empty and meaningless. And I did everything I could to resist it, even though, as you say, the temptation was always there.

    I know my philosophy of living a moral, gay life isn't for everyone--that, to some, promiscuity is an entitlement, an opportunity to indulge in lots of sexual experiences with lots of different men. But I disagree.

    As you point out, resisting the temptation to be promiscuous is a function of self-esteem. If you love yourself, you're more likely to make better choices, which was the point of this post. But this is not easy for some (which is the whole reason why I continue to harp on the subject of building self-esteem).

    Oh, well, all I can do is make my beliefs known and hope some will give them some thought.

    Thanks for your comment.