There are two classes of gay men: hot and not-hot. It's the same as rich and poor. You fit into one or the other. There's nothing in between. Guess which class I belong to. This is my personal experience, but I know I speak for other gay men, lots of them.
A misconception is that if you're a gay male, you're hot. That's because the gay males who get the most attention are hot. They're handsome or cute; their bodies muscular and hunky. Sure, they may represent us well, give us a pretty face, but they don't represent the entirety of us.
In fact, the majority of us are merely average. We're the ones with acne-scared or pock-marked faces, bad hair or receding hairlines, skinny or overweight bodies. We don't necessarily dress fashionably. We don't draw attention to ourselves. In other words, we're regular, everyday, common people.
When you're young and gay, you're on the outside looking in. It starts in high school, maybe earlier. Jocks are on the inside. They're all good-looking, athletic, and popular. People like to be around them. Most of all, they're straight. They're what you're not, what you wish you were more than anything.
You might assume things will be better when you grow up. Chances are, you'll be out of the closet. You'll become more aware of other gay people around you. Only, you realize you're still on the outside looking in. You think because you have being gay in common, you belong, but you don't.
This time, the ones on the inside are the gay men who appear to have everything going for them: great looks, lots of friends, desirability. They dress well, drive nice cars, live in stylish apartments. They're the cool group, the fun and exciting group, the one everybody wants to be a part of.
Hot men only want other hot men. Not-hot men only want hot men. Nobody wants the not-hot men. Sooner or later, the not-hot men realize their chance of landing hot men is zero. Together, not-hot men become great friends, but rarely do they consider each other relationship material.
Not-hot men think by getting hot men, their status will change. By default, they'll belong inside; they'll move to that coveted place. Other hot men will befriend them. Their desirability will increase. They believe they'll learn to like themselves, even love themselves, more, as a result.
So they wait for the hot men to come on to them, not realizing it's all an illusion. Hot men won't come on to them or ever give them what they need most. Not-hot men are surrounded by other not-hot men who would make perfect life partners, without all the fantasy and fraud of hot men.
Not-hot men give little thought to being alone and lonely while they pine for the hot men, while they dream about being on the inside looking out. Eventually, many become more realistic and see other not-hot men as if for the first time. But the question is, do they ever stop feeling less-than? I hope so.