This past Monday, September 19, another American teenager committed suicide because he was bullied for being gay. His name was Jamey Rodemeyer, he lived in Baffalo, New York, and he was just fourteen years old.
According to news reports, Jamey came out in May of this year, and the experience was so positive for him, so filled with love and support from friends, that, ironically, he made his own video to tell other gay teens it really does get better.
In part, here's what Jamey said in his video:
You were born this way. All you have to do is hold your head up and you will go far. Because that's all you have to do. Just love yourself and you're set. And I promise you, it will get better.
So what happened between the time Jamey made this video and the day he died for nothing? His parents know he was bullied not only at school but online as well. By insensitive shitheads who must be held accountable for his senseless death. Jamey's case is under investigation. Let's hope justice is served.
When will the insanity stop?
When will we stop losing precious lives just because they're gay?
What can each of us do to ensure this doesn't happen again?
Speak up.
Play your part.
Resources:
www.itgetsbetter.org
www.makeitbetterproject.org
www.facebook.com/stopbullyingspeakup
Once again, some life is once again lost, because of some retarded brainless shitheads. I hope this incident will haunt them every night when those assholes who bullied him go to sleep. Call me evil, but what they did is unforgivable, and it is right if they suffer and lose their sleep for that.
ReplyDeleteAside from this. Rick, somehow I couldn't use the "send email" button on top of the page, so I guess I'll put the "letter" here, (feels kinda awkward...)
The letter:
Dear Rick,
I talked to my mom a couple of days ago, I tried my best to be careful at bringing up the subject of my uncle. It turned out, my mom has, for a very long period, had contact with my uncle. At this point, I have mixed feelings:
First of all, why did she hide that information from her own children? I can't cope with it that she has had the chance to have contact to him, but I haven't. Ten years, it is no short period to be without someone who is important to you. I am very angry, but as I am trying to be more thoughtful at these kinds of sensitive subjects I didn't start yelling at her after I had heard the truth.
Second is that, if my uncle had contact with my mom, why didn't he talk to us kids? Not even through phone?
Until now, all I have managed to squeeze out from mom is that she has had contact with him, but our conversations are being constantly interrupted by my mom's fear at dad might come home any minute. I am very frustrated, I feel sad, cause I'm a little hurt both by my mom and my uncle. What ever reasons are behind this, I want to find them out, no matter what. These following days will all be just constant hiding-from-dad-and-squeezing-information-from-mom-routine. I can't sleep at night, I keep rolling over different possibilities for why have both of them hid things from me. I guess things unravel in time, but I'm not a very patient person and it pisses me off very badly.
To trail off from the main subject:
I am a little worried about elevencats, his comments scare a hell out of me sometimes. I always somehow manage to connect the things he say to my uncle and I'm afraid about the possibility that things I'm going to find out about my uncle aren't going to be very pretty. Elevencats is still young, twenty-something if I remember right from your comment, he still has so much life ahead of him, so many possibilities to fall in love and be happy. I feel so much sympathy for him and to all the other homosexual people who feel the same way as he does, but I really don't know how to write a good enough comment to cheer him up. (I'm still a child from my mind, can't help it). That is mainly the reason why I didn't dare to reply to his comments (plus the fact that I think your and elevencats exchange seemed pretty private so I didn't want to intrude). Reading your replies to him, I can pretty much put myself at ease, because you have gone through those things before and you understand him better than me for sure, so no intruding or meddling from me than. It's difficult and painful to find out things of the homosexual society and the insecurity and the fears they have to go through in life. I hope it gets better in time.
Thats all for now frankly, I will continue to read your blog and give you the information of my uncle, if your are still interested of course.
All the best!
Tina
P.S. My matriculation tests are over for this year, a huge thanks to your blog I have scored the highest points in my English matriculation test.Thanks. :))
It is very sad that once again someone innocent has died in the most unfair way ever. Call me evil or whatever but I really wish those retarded brainless assholes who drove him to the end of the road by bullying him could never sleep soundly again in their whole lifetime. What they did is unforgivable and I surely hope they will suffer for it.
ReplyDeleteAside from this, Rick, somehow I couldn't open the "send email" button on top of this page, so I guess I'll post my letter here:
Dear Rick,
I talked to my mom a couple of days ago, I tried my best to be careful at bringing up the subject of my uncle. It turned out, my mom has, for a very long period, had contact with my uncle. At this point, I have mixed feelings:
First of all, why did she hide that information from her own children? I can't cope with it that she has had the chance to have contact to him, but I haven't. Ten years, it is no short period to be without someone who is important to you. I am very angry, but as I am trying to be more thoughtful at these kinds of sensitive subjects I didn't start yelling at her after I had heard the truth.
Second is that, if my uncle had contact with my mom, why didn't he talk to us kids? Not even through phone?
Until now, all I have managed to squeeze out from mom is that she has had contact with him, but our conversations are being constantly interrupted by my mom's fear at dad might come home any minute. I am very frustrated, I feel sad, cause I'm a little hurt both by my mom and my uncle. What ever reasons are behind this, I want to find out about them, no matter what. These following days will all be just constant hiding-from-dad-and-squeezing-information-from-mom-routine. I can't sleep at night, I keep rolling over different possibilities for why have both of them hid things from me. I guess things unravel in time, but I'm not a very patient person and it pisses me off very badly.
To trail off from the main subject:
I am a little worried about elevencats, his comments scare a hell out of me sometimes. I always somehow manage to connect the things he say to my uncle and I'm afraid about the possibility that things I'm going to find out about my uncle aren't going to be very pretty. Elevencats is still young, twenty-something if I remember right from your comment, he still has so much life ahead of him, so many possibilities to fall in love and be happy. I feel so much sympathy for him and to all the other homosexual people who feel the same way as he does, but I really don't know how to write a good enough comment to cheer him up. (I'm still a child from my mind, can't help it). That is mainly the reason why I didn't dare to reply to his comments (plus the fact that I think your and elevencats exchange seemed pretty private so I didn't want to intrude). Reading your replies to him, I can pretty much put myself at ease, because you have gone through those things before and you understand him better than me for sure, so no intruding or meddling from me than. It's difficult and painful to find out things of the homosexual society and the insecurity and the fears they have to go through in life. I hope it gets better in time.
Thats all for now frankly, I will continue to read your blog and give you the information of my uncle, if your are still interested of course.
All the best!
Tina
P.S. My matriculation tests are over for this year, a huge thanks to your blog I have scored the highest points in my English matriculation test. :))
Hi, Tina. If you don't see that your comment appears, I still receive it in my email, so I can copy and paste it into a comment box from there. Don't write it again. I appreciate you doing that. I know how frustrating it is to have to repeat yourself.
ReplyDeleteI suspect the reason why you couldn't use Send Mail is because you don't have your own email account. But I could be wrong.
So about your mom and uncle. I understand your anger, but you don't know the full story yet. Give them a chance. You were much younger when your uncle left and was no longer a part of your life. As a rule, adults believe their actions and decisions are in the best interest of children. It would be easier for you to adopt that position. What happened happened. You can't change it now. All you can do is move forward with your intention to regain contact with your uncle.
Unless I miss my mark, I believe shame is associated with what happened to your uncle. I don't know all the details, but you can appreciate how difficult these past ten years have been on your mom, uncle, and other family members who were a part of what took place. Be patient. Be understanding. Be forgiving. Yes, you missed out on these ten years, but, chances are, you have many years left to be close to your uncle, if that's what you choose to be.
I'm not sure if your mom is making excuses for not wanting to talk about your uncle because she's worried your dad will come home. Have you been able to tell her thus far that you want to have contact with your uncle again? I'd say that should be your primary focus now. While I know you have questions about what happened--and I you'll likely get the answers you need over time--I think what's probably most important to you is knowing where your uncle is so you can contact him. Am I right? If that's the case, spend your energy on that, not on being angry or antagonizing your mom with lots of questions about why. Does that make sense?
Finally, no need to worry about Elevencats. He's a strong young man. He and I have been in contact, and he's doing fine. All of us have moments of despair, when we need to let go of difficult thoughts and feelings. Once done though, which Elevencats did in his comments, we feel much better, don't we? I bet you know how good that feels, too.
Yes, your uncle's story may not be a happy one, although I'm hopeful it is today. I can't help but think he'll be a lot happier once you rekindle your relationship with him, and he knows how much you love and support him. Give him and your mom a chance. They'll come through for you. I believe that.
Your compassion and empathy for Elevencats are commendable. I'm sure he'll appreciate how much you care about what happens to him when he reads your comment. And, on behalf of all gay people, thanks for your concern and understanding. With fine young people like you coming up in the world, I know circumstances will get better, for all of us.
I hope you will continue to read my blog and to comment whenever you want to. And, Tina, of course I'm interested in knowing what happens between you, your mom, and your uncle. If you feel comfortable sharing it, I'd love to know how everything turns out.
Thanks so much for your wonderful comment. I sincerely look forward to hearing from you again.
P.S.: Congratulations on your English test. You must be so proud of yourself. If I played a small part in helping you, I'm one happy man.
When I saw the youtube message from Jamey Rodemeyer, I thought to myself: “A brave young man!” It also made me think that putting yourself in a vulnerable situation isn't reasonable. It makes me feel mixed feelings: yes, he is brave in his video, but now due to getting hit by ruthless comments, he isn't alive anymore. On the other hand, I know he helped me with the video and thousand other people. I'm totally with Lady Gaga on this: bullying needs to be criminalized.
ReplyDeleteTina, I was so moved when I read your thoughts about me. It made my heart melt reading that you care for me. This home here is growing. I believe that we can all support each other. Don't be afraid to add something to comments about me. Your words here helped me a lot. The fact that you show compassion and care for me made me float. Thank you! The main reason why I sometimes express myself very openly, is that this website gives a possibility to interact with different people. Maybe I should be more careful, but when something I feel and say is covered here and it also helps someone who feels the same way but hasn't found the right words to express, I feel I have to take the risk.
Tina, don't be mad at your mom or your uncle. Parents protect their children from things that sometimes they don't need to protect them of. The main point is that your uncle is well. The fact that your mother has been in contact with him shows that she might care about him a lot. Yes, there may be something painful hidden. I would just ask your mom if your uncle is doing fine. But be careful. I had a similar experience with my biological father. After about 11 years not seeing him, I met him a year ago. I met an intelligent and caring man who I've grown miles away from.
Whatever you do in this situation, I believe you need to trust yourself. If you have a feeling that you just need to find him, then try to do it. For some reason things happen in life. When you feel this curiosity inside you, it most probably means you need to feel this.
My heart is breaking...
ReplyDelete@elevencats: I thought Jamey was brave, too, but I also thought his vdieo was a little premature, given that he'd only come last May, when school was almost over. The cynic in me thought once he returned to school, he'd be in for it, and, I hate to admit it, but I was right.
ReplyDeleteStill, Jamey's message is compelling, and I'm sure helpful to many. I just hope at-risk teens focus more on the message and less on what happened to him ultimately. I don't want anyone to think if Jamey couldn't make it, maybe he can't either. That's a real worry of mine.
Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts with Tina. I love that both of you have contact with each other over my blog. I'm glad that I can provide a conduit for exchanges of that nature, between people from all over the world. Feel free to keep the conversation going if something else comes to mind.
Thanks for your comment.
@Donna: As does mine, Donna, as does mine.
I hate to think how the world will never know Jamey's gifts. What a damn shame that is.
Every life is precious. When I really allow myself to think about how regrettable and senseless this death, and so many like it, are, I'm stunned by how enormous this tragedy is. Stunned.
THIS MUST STOP!
Thanks so much for sharing your compassion and understanding.
Today I understood something. I can't stop people telling bad things about gay people. People will say mean words about many things they don't understand. I as a gay man can just listen to these words and know they are wrong about me and maybe about some other gay folks. I can laugh inside about the things they say or if I am out and feel safe in this environment, I can explain how I see "the gay thing". At the same time, I have to remember that I am only speaking about myself, because there may be a lot of gay people who don't think as I do about "the gay thing". The one thing I need to remember is that sometimes it is safer to be something I am not. I think it's not wise to walk alone at night with a rainbow umbrella or walk hands in hands with my lover, I think it's not wise to be out in my work/school environment if I know I will be tormented or will be un-preferred. Maybe it's easy for me to say, because I have a manly personality... The main thing to remember is that in the evening I am entitled to go home and kiss my lover. For me it's about having a balance of being true to myself and being rational about my environment.
ReplyDeleteGreat response to all the negativity out there about gay people, elevencats. I think your attitude and reactions are perfect. We must not take personally what people say. Their words are less about us and more about their ignorance and fear.
ReplyDeleteYes, we have to watch out for ourselves in all situations. We don't know if someone is around who would hurt us. Chris and I never put ourselves in potentially dangerous or life-threatening situations, and no thinking, reasoning person, gay or straight, should either.
It's a shame that, to some degree, we have to live double lives, one way in public and the other at home. But my hope, through this blog and comments I receive from readers, is that we create greater awareness and acceptance. My fingers are crossed.
Thanks so much for your comment and your contribution to the discussion.