Friday, September 9, 2011

Monogamy on the Rise

I have long believed that if gay people were not discriminated against, particularly for what is commonly called living the gay lifestyle (that is, indulging in promiscuous sex), monogamy would characterize the majority of gay relationships, as it does the majority of straight relationships.  The findings of a recent study bears this out.

According to an article that appeared in The Vancouver Sun on Thursday, September 8, 2011, monogamy is on the rise, in straight as well as gay relationships.  Below are several pertinent quotes from the article titled "Couples have become more monogamous over past 3 decades, data show."

Among gay men, the percentage who cheated on a partner they lived with dropped to 59 per cent from 83 per cent; for lesbians it declined to eight per cent from 28 per cent.

The authors [of the study that appeared in the September issue of the journal Family Process] "speculate that awareness of HIV/AIDS and other STDs has led couples to be more cautious and more conservative about sex outside their relationships over the last 25 years."
But [Robert-Jay] Green [a psychology professor at Alliant International University in San Francisco] says it's also a result of greater acceptance of same-sex relationships.

Emily Hecht-McGowan of the non-profit Family Equality Council, which works toward equality for lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender families, agrees.  "I think same-sex couples are more comfortable living openly in their communities and building families," she said.

(All quotes are from page B4 of the above-mentioned article in The Vancouver Sun.)


For the record, as a gay man, I'm ashamed of the statistic that as many as 59 percent of gay men as of the year 2000 were not monogamous in their same-sex relationships.  This figure does not include Chris and me, who are one hundred percent faithful to each other, or some of the other long-term gay and lesbian couples we know.

The figure also tells me there's still work to be done, on the part of society, to continue supporting same-sex relationships, and on the part of gay men, to eschew promiscuity in favor of monogamy.  Still, the drop from 83 to 59 percent is a 24 percent improvement, and the trend is definitely going in the right direction.


  1. I haven't talk to my mom yet about my uncle. My work and school are piling up like mad, so I decided to talk to my mom after my exams. But when I get to talk to her, I am happy to share the results with you and perhaps with your others readers too. Leaving this aside, my point in this post is that:

    Do you, Rick, think it might also has something to do with the fact that like you said in your post that some people in same-sex relationships weren't monogamous, is the reason why some people are against gays? I mean, because most of the haters are hard-core believers, so they might not like the not monogamous lifestyle of some homosexuals? Because they think people in relationships shouldn't cheat on each other? But that wouldn't make sense, 'cause straight people cheat on each other too, so why would people hate gays for this specific matter? Or do they take this information as an excuse to bash on homosexuals? (Some people I have argued with have brought up this subject too, how gay people aren't monogamous. But when I say that there are, for sure, monogamous same-sex couples too and that straight people aren't all monogamous either, they won't listen to me, which bugs me a LOT)

    Another question I have in mind is that, why do people even want to cheat in the first place no matter are they straight, gay or lesbian? I have never had a relationship before, but I believe that you should respect others and you should respect yourself too, so why do people cheat? Is it for excitement? Or because it is their nature? Can someone even have a cheating nature?

    Awesome that the percentage is going down. It is still more than half, but as long as it is dropping than GOOD.Like you said: the trend is definitely going in the right direction. :))

  2. Oh, Tina, you are one smart, insightful young woman.

    As much as I'd like to respond to your comment here, you've inspired me to write another, post because the points you raise are central to the theme of my blog.

    I hope you'll check back for that over the next several days (with Chris on vacation, I'll do my best to get to my computer so I can write).

    Thanks again for stopping by. I hope reading what I write and responding to it isn't negatively affecting your school or work. I don't want you to get into any trouble.

    Thanks again.

  3. Don't worry Rick. Reading your posts and occasionally answering to some of them, is very useful, because I can ask you things that are on my mind. (It's awesome to communicate with someone more adult and more open-minded then my friends or parents in these kinds of topics)

    Besides, if this affects my school work in anyway, it will only be positive, 'cause I'm constantly using my English here which will help me at my English matriculation exam. Thanks for you, I've learned about a ton of new words.

    Just want to say, I can't describe how honored I feel that I've inspired you to write even another post. Looking forward for your post!

  4. Lately I've been asking myself the same question: why do people cheat? It's non-dependent on sexuality, that I am sure of. But still, why? I came up with two reasons: a) people don't know what they want, so they experiment and see what this alternative life gives them, are they happier than before; b) pain makes some of us feel good; some people hurt themselves physically, because this makes them capable of baring the emotional pain; having sex with countless of people is a way self-harm. For me, the way out of a painful situation, is eating countless amounts of sweets. It makes me feel better, even though it isn't good for my health and doesn't solve any problems.

    On the subject of your uncle, Tina, I also believe he would love to meet you again. I have baby sisters who I love to pits, and If someday I would be denied access to them, I'd be a emotional wreck. I have this connection with them, that nothing can't kill. This will stay alive after years and years. And I believe this to be the case with your uncle too. Be careful, test the waters, find a safe place, be patient and don't give up on your dream to meet this man who was and still is so important to you.

  5. @Tina: Today, I recorded ideas I have to answer the questions you posed in your comment. Now, I have to sort through them, edit, make sure my writing makes sense, and then I'll be able to publish my post. I hope to have that done within the next day or two.

    By the way, I'm glad you feel comfortable asking me questions. I will always do my best to answer them as honestly and as respectfully as possible. And glad I can help you with your English. I hope you do really well with your exam.

    Thanks for this comment and for your patience.

    @elevencats: I think your ideas about why some people cheat are perfectly valid. There are probably as many reasons as there are people. In my upcoming post, in response to Tina's previous comment, I provide a few more ideas, based on my observations of other people.

    Great advice to Tina about reconnecting with her uncle. Yes, I agree, he would probably love to see her again and to have her back in his life. But for a while, things between them could be a little uncomfortable (on the other hand, he could embrace her immediately). Who knows?

    Thanks for stopping by and leaving a comment. I trust school is going well so far. Let me know when you have the chance.

    All the very best to both of you. Keep in touch.